Lack of Control-sorry for the length but I think worth the read.

Well, it has been a while since I have written but so much has happened. I lost a beloved uncle in death right after my last entry. Someone very important to me gave me notice that she did not want us to be friends anymore because of failings on my part. I was "relieved" of my duties at the temp assignment that I spoke of in my last entry because I was absent 3 days for my uncle's funeral, in Texas. I had a job interview today that was then cancelled because of our blizzard here and rescheduled for tomorrow when I was going to be on a plane to go see my family for Christmas. After many objections and really fighting for it, I was given the chance to have the interview. Wonderful except that meant driving for 45 minutes in a full out blizzard with white out conditions.....which means that you cannot see anything outside the windshield of your car....quite terrifying to say the least! I am, however, pleased to report that the interview went very well...I then lived another 45 minutes of terror with roads that were now twice as perilous as before. When I got to experience the thrill of really getting stuck, God was faithful and sent an "angel" with a snow plow to push me out within 2 minutes. I must brag a little about my driving abilities. I had no 4 wheel or all wheel drive, no studded tires...only normal tires and front wheel drive on a low sitting Buick. I passed one truck after another, one jeep after another, and on and on, in ditches or spinning their wheels in the same spot on an incline. But the Lord got me all the way home, despite doing more slipping than having traction, wading thru over a foot of snow several times and having only about 60% visability most of the time and ZERO visability for another 20%! Praise God! And since I had Neil on the speakerphone of my cell the entire time, he was almost as fried as I was or possibly just as much in a different way.
Then I find out that the Colorado Springs and Denver airports are closed and my flight scheduled for tomorrow has been cancelled. But that's ok, I'll just call and reschedule, right? NOT! Well, unless getting there on the 25th is ok... even though I am scheduled to return on the 26th! Needless to say, I am not going to spend Christmas with my family this year!
WOW! So much need for adaptability....I am amazed at how quickly things can change in life, how much just one phone call can alter the course of my life forever...and...how little control I have in my life. I don't say that to avoid taking responsibility for my life but I do say it because people, circumstances and situations affect me every day. I am realizing more and more that my quality of life and level of happiness are directly connected to the level of flexibility that I possess. It is a very uncomfortable feeling to be at the mercy of people or things that I have no control over. But I am in the process of learning...thru education, life and the examples of people I know... that my life, health and outlook is so much the better for being ok with not always being in control. This would be especially true with trusting my heavenly Father. So as I sit here and write to you at the end of these last few rollercoaster weeks.....I feel a lot less stress and tension than I would have just a few years ago because at the age of 41 years I am finally realizing that control is not all that it is cracked up to be!
Sooooo Daddy......it's all yours!!!!

Compromising My Dreams

I don't want to write just for the sake of writing so I have gone a few days with no entries. But I began a temp job today that leaves much to be desired both in utilizing the gifts I have and just suiting the person that I am. It makes me aware of how circumstances in my life have forced me to do things that I haven't wanted to do but had to do to pay the bills. (Nothing illegal!)
Life has given me many reasons to doubt that I can ever accomplish the things that I dream of but you know what? That is a lie.. a lie that I am not going to let rule my life anymore! It has ruled me long enough! My dreams may not come quickly or easily (but nothing worth having does anyway!) but I am going to try and keep focus on the goals and dreams that I have and with the Lord's help, make them come true. I believe that we are given special gifts to make a difference in life, ours and others...not to be wasted sitting on a shelf. I know that every one of you reading this has very special talents and I just want you to know that I believe in you and in the truth that God wants you to be all you can be and will help you do just that....all you have to do is ask, focus and don't lose sight of the goal. YOU CAN DO IT!!! But you have to try first.

Growth Means Change

I met with a wonderful couple tonight that have many years of faithful service to the Lord so they could go over the scriptural truths about assured salvation with me. This is a relatively new concept since I was one of Jehovah's Witnesses for 32 years! There was no assured salvation in my belief system so this is a hard concept to wrap my mind around. I was really struggling with strong feelings of fear and even resentment as I was driving there because it feels like 32 years of my life was wasted in falsehood even if it was with the best intentions. That's the problem, good living and good intentions did not make me one with God. So as we went through the scriptures and I am glad to say that there is an endless supply of them that show in no uncertain terms that God guarantees the salvation of anyone that asks for forgiveness of their sins and completely turns their lives over to Him. Sorry, don't mean to sound like a sermon, it is just an amazing process to realize that it is hard to let go of what I know even though it is for something much better than what I had! And I realize that letting go is an important part of my growing up (so to speak). I find in every day that goes by I encounter some area that I need to change but am blessed to have proof, on a regular basis, that I am the better for it. So be encouraged that while it can be comfortable to stay complacently where you are......change, especially when the direction is even subtly towards God, will ALWAYS make you a better person!!! Take it from me....one woman that can be very stubborn, I go to bed tonight a better person than when I woke up this morning and it is all because of a openness to change.

The Good and The Bad

I am amazed at how much learning I receive in just living this thing called life every day. Today has been a multi-faceted day. It began with a beautiful snow storm that snowed me in for a warm, cuddly, sweats wearing, cookie baking, present wrapping kind of day. Then I received a wonderful phone call from my beloved that was news of prayers being answered that have been prayed for at least 3+ years. Miracles of God....not being preachy..just stating the facts...for some things are just too miraculous to be coincidence. It was a phone call full of joy and amazement at seeing the hand of God move and begin to change the life of one dear to us. And then I received an email from a very close friend that means hurt, fear, disappointment and uncertainty for her in receiving word of a big loss in her life. And I just can't help but think about the opposing nature of the two different events that I have learned about and yet how much they can work together at the same time in strengthening my faith. I believe that the miracle of the first phone call can strengthen me for the times that I find out something bad that could make me question God's presence or why He allows certain things. He wants me to believe and stand on the truth that He is ALWAYS with me, with all of us and hold to that truth when the future seems bleak. I pray as I sit here with uncertainty in my own future that He will help me to hold on to the lessons that He has shown me today and that maybe they will bless and serve as a reminder for you when circumstances begin to make you doubt His love.

Painful Growth

I almost did not write today because Sunday is the hardest day of the week for me but then thought that it might be good to be transparent. I go to a women's support group that is for a specific form of abuse and it is very, very hard to go sometimes and afterwards I often feel so empty that I don't make any plans for Sunday evenings. But I say this, not to make you feel sorry for me or feel bad, but to make a point. I do this class every week because I am aware that there are things in me that keep me from being the best servant of the Lord that I can be, that keep me from being the best friend that I can be and keep me from loving Neil the very best that I can be. So I just want to encourage you to look and be willing to see areas where growth (although painful) is needed in you. The people in our lives are affected by the areas of weakness in us every single day and like I said yesterday, the people in my life are what makes my life so wonderful and worth living... so....in my book, they deserve the VERY BEST that I have to give!

Relationship

I just spent several hours having communication with my sweetheart and a couple of friends. I am amazed at how much time is required for relationships to be maintained as well as deepened. I can see that is why so many don't really view life as being about relationships
anymore. It takes time, effort, energy, commitment and desire to build relationship with others. But I become more aware all the time, that real life, truly living, is nothing but relationships! So I have made a promise to myself that I will not let time get away from me and cause me to forget what really makes my life worth living and that is you, the people in it.
I would encourage you to choose just one person that you care about but haven't talked to in a while and take 15 minutes out of your day today and make time to call them. Or maybe life has been so hectic the last week that you have not really "seen" your spouse or children all week. Then take 15 minutes to stop the craziness and just reconnect and say, "I love you and I am so glad that you are in my life". The reward will be worth the time I promise you. Have a wonderfully real day today.

Counting My Blessings

Hi! I am so excited that you came to see me and I just want to thank you for your interest and time! As I said before, I welcome any thoughts or even constructive criticisms whenever you feel moved to share. I am thrilled to have so many people to share my heart with. It is the minority that have a lot of people that are really important to them, you know? I am truly rich in the abundance of special "saints" that have played or are still playing important roles in my life....so today, I pay tribute to all of you and you know who you are! :-)

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

As I prepare to leave to share Thanksgiving with the Harvey/Darlington family I just want to thank you for being on my list of things to be thankful for! I pray that your day is spent in love and joy and remembering all the things that you have to be thankful for this day for I know that you have things to put on your list. Stop and look around you today and look for at least 3 things of beauty around you! You will be surprised how easy it can be. May the Lord bless you and keep you safe in his care this holiday season.

This is the day the Lord has made!

Hello! I needed to write a note just to express what a beautiful day we are having here. It is 62 degrees, not a cloud in the sky and the mountains are incredible! I consider it to be an amazing gift to live in place where the beauty around me brings joy to my heart every single day! And each component that makes up such beauty is evidence of God's love for me and for you! This planet is absolute proof that He doesn't just want us to exist but He wants us to flourish, enjoy life and enjoy it abundantly! So it is my prayer for you, that as we approach Thanksgiving, you can begin to make a list of all the things that you have to be thankful for and decide to keep your heart focused on those things today. And know that you, dear ones are part of my list of things to praise God for!

The first day of the rest of my life

Thank you for embarking on this journey with me...I am excited as I anticipate all the miracles that you will witness thru this blog every day because I have found that every day does present some kind of miracle if I just look for it. After all, isn't life just in of itself a miracle? And even if I don't post something every day, all you have to do is look up at the sky when the sun is setting or stop and look at a flower in bloom or stop at night and look at the stars....that is all you need to do to change your whole view of your day. And along with that I know that I will have things to share that will bless you as well, for God's hand has been "seen" to move mightily in my life since the very day I was born. I hope that as I share my heart and perspective on life with you, that you will be richly blessed and maybe...just maybe you'll see some things that you have never seen before! May the rest of your day be richly blessed and don't forget... when you go out to your car...look up!