From Wandering to Living

Blessings and comfort are my prayer for you, my dear sisters!
I had to wait a while for direction on today's verse but boy, when He directs, He REALLY directs!
The verses today are taken from Psalms 107:4-9a out of "The Message".
"Some of you wandered for years in the desert, looking but not finding a good place to live, half-starved and parched with thirst, staggering and stumbling, on the brink of exhaustion. Then, in your desperate condition, you called out to GOD. He got you out in the nick of time; he put your feet on a wonderful road that took you straight to a good place to live. So thank GOD for his marvelous love, for his miracle mercy to the children he loves."
I really believe that one reason that Daddy wants to use me to share his tender love and desire for trusting intimacy with his little girls is because my wandering for years, looking but never finding a good place to live, just more bad places, the thirst, staggering and stumbling is still so fresh in my heart and mind, like it was yesterday. I remember with detailed clarity all of those feelings. I felt so sure that I was going to be left in the desert, that I would never have a good place to live, that I tried 3 times to take my own life. But, the next part of those verses has also proved to be so very true in my life as well. He did show up in the nick of time! And while it did not happen overnight, actually it has taken quite a few years, I am now on a wonderful road! A road that he set me on a while ago that has led me to a good place to live....in all ways. So while I can understand any of the downhearted emotions that you may be experiencing in this very hard thing called life...I can also offer the comfort of real experience. If you hang in there through the desert, despite your exhaustion, your overwhelming thirst, your staggering and stumbling.......Bottom line, his word is true, he WILL show up, he WILL not only get you through this painful journey, but he will lead you to a "good place to live".

The Perfect Summation

The Scripture that was given to me is taken from Psalm 40 verses 1 - 3 which the NIV version reads as: "I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord."
What amazed me about these verses is that they are a perfect portrayal of our journey. While innocent we were put in the middle of mud and mire, then often times have spent a large portion of our lives broken, crying and calling out in pain, tho' probably NOT patiently! But He is faithful and comes to us. Then despite His golden robes, He walks over with tenderness and love in His eyes, bends down, lifts us out of the mire and holds us tightly to His chest completely unconcerned by the thick, black, icky stuff that is running down the front of His beautiful garments. He takes the hem of his robe and starts to wipe the filth of our shame off our face with a gentleness unmatched by any other, His only concern is for us. And there is no rock more solid to be placed on than THE rock, is there? He then, methodically begins a work of healing in us. A work that quite often, we don't remotely understand but, heart changes do begin to occur, in baby steps we begin to trust in Him and open up to Him. Then to our astonishment, we look in the mirror one day and see that we are not filthy, tear stained, broken little girls anymore! Somewhere along the way without even knowing it we began to stand taller, feel stronger, love truer and embrace the fact that WE ARE BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTERS OF THE KING causing songs of love and praises to rise up and overflow from within our deepest hurts. And what is next? The most wonderful miracle of all. He takes all the horror of our broken hearts, our broken lives and then uses it and us to bring hope, love and compassion to so many other broken little girls that are out there! I am blessedly amazed that my Dad can take my entire 41 year long journey and beautifully sum it up in 3 verses!!! Because, bottom line, above my own happiness, above my own comfort....isn't it all really about the salvation of His children? And when He is able to take my filth and turn it to a thing for His glory that truly does make it bearable for this little girl.

His truth uncovered!

I have begged "Daddy" to keep my feelings out of this posting because they are so strong. This posting is longer than usual because of the content but there is no way around it as you will see.
There is a scripture that I have had given to me and heard quoted by the body of Christ very many times and it never has rung true in my heart. Hold on! I am not saying the Bible is not true so don't stop reading!
Neil has been writing devotionals for me daily since July of last year. There is a point to this. He takes one verse, we have been in Proverbs, and processes each word in a wonderful Hebrew and Greek program that translates the true word and/or meaning. We have seen numerous times now that sometimes the English translation for a Hebrew word has been sorely short on conveying the true word and meaning or seen the word translated completely incorrectly! That got me to thinking about this scripture that has always bothered me and so I asked him to do a word study on it for me. Well! the Lord is indeed faithful if we seek His truth! So I want to share with you what He revealed.
The scripture is Psalm 71:20 which says in the NIV version: "Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up." The New King James says, "(You) Who have shown me great and severe troubles....." The Message says "You, who made me stare trouble in the face."
Here are the facts: "You" is not even in the Hebrew. "Has shown me" actually means to behold, look upon or inspect. The word in Hebrew is used more than any other to indicate the method God uses to speak to His prophets. I have many verses I could site as examples but won't for now. If you want them please let me know and I will send them to you. So the whole concept of God making us go thru many bitter troubles or great and severe troubles or making us stare trouble in the face is completely contrary to the true, tender love of our Daddy. The Hebrew word for "severe" is among other things, evil. Our Father NEVER makes us go thru evil! "Troubles" translates into tribulation. "Shall revive me" translates as restore, lift from discouragement or repair. "Again" translates as a do over or returning to the starting point. "Shall bring me up" translates as ascend or rise. "Again" same word as above, repeated for emphasis, to restore! "From the depths of" translates into abyss. "The earth" translates into firm, earth, the same word used in Gen. 1:9-13 for when God created dry land.
I have felt burdened by this scripture and believe that many others have been burdened by it too without realizing it because of having hearts that focus on the latter part of the verse. But I think that it has unwittingly been used to create a false picture of who our Father really is. I have always wondered how I am supposed to really feel safe with a heavenly Father that would "make me see troubles, many and bitter". That is not a safe person. But in truth, He is the ONLY truly safe person. So, to me, this scripture means that He inspects the evils that have been done to me and PROMISES that He will restore, repair and revive me just like starting over! That He is going to rise me up from the abyss that I have lived in and establish me like the very planet that I walk on! He will never lead me to anything but that which is good, pure, holy, lovely, peaceful, kind, compassionate, forgiving and encouraging. THAT is the Father we have. THAT is the Father that we can trust completely and without a hint of fear! And THAT is what He wants you to know and take comfort in! AND THAT I CAN BELIEVE!

We are not the first......

I begin with another scripture from the list that He gave me the other day.
It is Psalms 77:2-6 taken from "The Message" which says, "I found myself in trouble and went looking for my Lord; my life was an open wound that wouldn't heal. When friends said, 'Everything will turn out all right, ' I didn't believe a word they said. I remember God - and shake my head. I bow my head - then wring my hands. I'm awake all night - not a wink of sleep; I can't even say what's bothering me. I go over the days one by one, I ponder the years gone by. I strum my lute all through the night, wondering how to get my life together."

WOW! I just sat in amazement when I read this because I could have written those exact words so many times in my life. I am comforted in knowing that I am not the only person that has felt that way! Someone else's words written thousands of years ago that mirror my own thoughts, feelings and even actions! The devil wants us to buy the lie that we are all alone, that no one understands how we feel, that we are the first to struggle with whatever it is we are struggling with. Our Father knew that Satan would try and convince us of that and therefore inspired so much to be recorded to show that every single one of our thoughts, feelings and fears have been experienced by many before us. And if you really want to be encouraged, read thru verse 15 and see what the real truths are....we never have been and never are, truly out of His hands. He is our Rescuer, the Redeemer of all hurtful, destructive things and above all, our Daddy, the One spoken of in Psalms 55:22, "Pile your troubles on God's shoulders, he'll carry your load, he'll help you out. He'll never let good people topple into ruin." He is with you today, loving you more than you can imagine or dream. Rest in His arms and in the truth of His love for you.

A Sigh of Relief

First, I need to apologize for not writing sooner. The Lord wanted me to write a Valentine from Him to you and I did not manage my time well enough to do it. I have since had it laid on my heart that this blog is a responsibility that He has given me and I am to make time for it! I still have much to learn. I do appreciate your prayers on my behalf in this area.
When I approached Him and asked for a scripture, I prayed quite intensely that the one He wanted me to share would be very obvious. When I read this one I had such an overwhelming heart response that I knew this was it. Before I share though, I need to clarify a few things. I have read books that insinuate that we committed some kind of sin as children regarding our abuse. I disagree with that thinking wholeheartedly. But I DO know that we carry guilt in our hearts as if we did sin, in fact, as children, some of us were told that we had. So in verse 2 when it speaks of sin, I don't take it as sin like the sins I commit daily that I do need to be forgiven for, but rather the inaccurate feeling of sin and guilt that comes from my abuse. And it was automatic for me to insert "my daughter" where it says "my people" and my name where "Jerusalem" is.

All of this being said, here is the scripture taken from "The Message".
Isaiah 40:1,2 " 'Comfort, oh comfort my people,' says your God. 'Speak softly and tenderly to Jerusalem, but also make it very clear that she has served her sentence, that her sin is taken care of ---forgiven! She's been punished enough and more than enough, and now it's over and done with.' "

I don't know about you but I have spent most of my adulthood feeling punished and full of sin all because of the actions of another. But this is what our Daddy wants us, his little girls to know. These chains that bind, alienate and just plain wear us out are chains that He wants to free us of. Chains that He never intended for us to be bound with. Now, I am not saying that there is a magic wand that is waved and suddenly the chains just fall off of us in an instant. What I can tell you from my own experience is that there are much fewer chains binding me than I had 6 or 7 years ago. I mean a lot fewer! The freedom for embracing life and intimacy with our Daddy DOES come if we persevere. If we just take it one day at a time, even if it's 3 steps forward and 2 back, the women that He created us to be emerges a little at a time and the persistence is really worth it. I can attest to that because I have felt very hopeless and wondered why I was even trying. But then I look at the place, the life, and the people that He has brought me to presently and I am amazed and motivated to continue with the work that I still have to do. And while we are doing that, He loves us.....I mean REALLY loves us. Read that verse again, insert your name and hear the tenderness with which He speaks to you and then, just ask Him to let you feel and receive that tenderness today in a new way. Those are the requests that He loves to hear and longs to answer.

In His Eyes.....

"There's no one like her on earth, never has been, never will be. She's a woman beyond compare. My dove is perfection, pure and innocent as the day she was born."

Wow! Wouldn't it be the most wonderful blessing in the world if someone would say those words about us?! If someone would believe those words until we are able to?! "Pure and innocent as the day she was born." The heart response that I have to those words is more than I can express. That is what I long for...I actually remember being truly innocent and it was a wonderful feeling, especially now, looking back on it. So very many things have happened, in my childhood, yes, but, boy, even more in my adulthood to destroy that sweet innocence. So I read those words with a heart full of longing, tears and regret.

But here is the beautifully awesome truth........those precious words are, in fact, about US! You and Me! They are words from the heart of God for his daughters. Yes, they are from the Song of Solomon. I deliberately did not mention it before now, as I know the buttons that book can push for many of us. But, the truth of that book is that it is a deliberate picture that our Daddy inspired to be written so that we could know how He sees us. And that is how He sees us....right this moment....before another "work" can be done towards healing, before another session can be attended, another healthy decision made. These are all things that WE feel driven to do because we have been taught that we are not the beautiful picture portrayed in the words above. But the truth is, we are beautiful, lovely, adored, precious and yes, even pure in the eyes of our REAL Daddy right now! I meet with a group of some of the most amazing women that I have ever known and I venture to say that none of them feel that they are beautiful and yet, they are truly more beautiful than I can say. They have hearts that are amazing to me, that bless me every week and are women that I feel honored to know and have in my life. That is why our spiritual family is so very important. They can reflect the things that our Father sees in us that we cannot see in ourselves. They can love us and believe in us until we can do it ourselves. But as a step in that direction.....I challenge you again to just very simply ask Him to show you a part of your beauty. This can be extremely hard for a variety of reasons, but I can tell you from my own experience that He understands our fears and wants to restore our trust in His love. It's just a baby step BUT, that is how the journey happens....just one baby step at a time. Thank you for being on this journey with me. You bless my heart more than you will ever know..well, at least in this world! :-)

For anyone interested: The scripture is Song of Songs 6:8,9 in "The Message"

Exciting times!

The Lord continues to move in wonderful ways regarding the women's ministry that He has called me to. On the left is the new logo that He inspired me to draw. He made it clear to me quite a while ago that the reason that sexual abuse is so wounding and far reaching is because it wounds or even breaks the very core of who the girl is. Then once we become women, those far reaching affects bleed over into every aspect of our lives even though we may not be aware of it. The little girl learns very fundamental as well as crucial things from her abuse. How to view herself, men, parenting, home, marriage and MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL, how she views God. And the most horrible thing about abuse and in particular, sexual abuse is that it ruins our trust in our Heavenly Father and His love for us. From everything that I have learned it then becomes impossible to live the full, abundant life that Christ shed His blood for. So the Lord wants me to make the focus of His ministry, the little girl inside that is still broken and battered. He wants her to be reached and taught how to begin to trust Him and receive His love that He has for her alone. It is only when the little girl begins to believe in His love for her and trust Him, that the now grown woman can begin to make powerful changes in her view on every aspect of life and in turn, change her life. Abuse imprisons and He, our Daddy, wants us to be free! There is not a form of abuse that I have not experienced other than demonic, ritual abuse. For so long I could not understand why He allowed all those awful things to be done to me. Now, however, I have no doubt that while He would NEVER cause abuse to be done to a child, He can turn the evil of Satan and this world around for His purpose. And He intends to use my life experiences to extend hope for you, the wounded little girl that is crying out for the love of her Father. I can tell you that while the journey is very difficult as well as painful....as you begin to receive healing and begin, one step at a time to cling to Him, life becomes a very different experience. A life of joy instead of a life of survival begins to emerge and THAT is the life that He wants for me and for you. So hang in there, I can tell you from experience that there are wonderful things over the horizon if you are willing to work at healing and as a result begin trusting in His love for you.

Just to say.....

that I pray that you have had a blessed day and that you did ask Him to show you an aspect of your beauty. He just wants you to know that He loves you dearly and is proud of you. Yes, He IS! because He isn't near as hard on us as we are on ourselves! May you feel the caress of His hand and see the love in His eyes that is for you alone. Isn't that awesome! That He can focus on every single one of us like we are His only child! What an awesome Father we have! Be blessed and rest in His love.

Never Forget Who Our Real Daddy Is!

I continue to be blown away by the overwhelming truth that we are formed as human beings by the imperfect hands of our parents. Well meaning parents hopefully, but imperfect nonetheless. And while it only takes a small percentage of our life to be developed by them, we then spend the rest of our life dealing with whatever they developed in us. As a survivor of well meaning but very broken parents, I really resent and struggle with the reality of that truth. And then, to make it worse, I know so many special hearts that deal with that same reality every single day, some more aware of that fact than others. And my heart aches for them and frankly, me as well. It seems so very unfair. But as I was thinking about that tonight, another voice came clearly thru and drowned out my own.

"BUT the bottom line is that you are MINE and I am your Father. I take care of what is mine and you are a work in progress, a work that I never did and never will forget about. I am using all of the baggage that you are so weary of carrying for my purpose. And in the end, you will be healed of ALL your wounds. Those two people who raised you and the baggage they gave you is NOT your legacy. I AM YOUR LEGACY. You are a daughter of THE King, my special little girl and the apple of MY eye."

So I sit here with tears in my eyes because that is the real truth. It is the truth that I need to remember as I continue on my difficult journey of, as someone special told me once, "discovering, uncovering and discarding." That even though I am broken and backwards as a human being, when He looks at me, He sees a woman that is whole and beautiful. And He wants you to know today that despite the wounds of the past and being on a journey of discovery, as you are right this moment.....YOU are a bright light in the heart of your Daddy....a beautiful, radiant daughter of The King. Ask Him today to show you an aspect of your beauty that you have forgotten or maybe have never even recognised...don't be afraid to ask because He has a long list to choose from and wants to show you how lovely you truly are.

Changes Are Good......

I have taken these thoughts in prayer to "Daddy" and feel good about the changes I have just made to His blog. I say His because this blog really isn't about me....if it is, then you are just wasting precious time reading it. This blog is about Him and His work and therefore it belongs to Him. That being said, here are the changes that I felt led to make. For one, I did not understand all of the settings to the blog and some have not been able to write any comments. Well, now the settings allow anyone to make a comment. You do not have to be a member of blogspot. I have also changed the settings on the comments themselves. Since this blog is not here for entertainment value or meaningless banter, all comments are now going to be hidden and sent to me personally. That way, you can feel comfortable to express whatever feelings you may have with the knowledge that the only one reading them will be me. The only asterisk that I put on this is that I THINK that is the way I have now set it up! Those of you that know me also know that computers and I....well....how should I say it? We don't always get on so well! :-0
The first comment that I receive will let me know how successful I was. If I have not set it up correctly, I will fix it. It is crucial that you feel safe to express your heart should you feel so led.
By the way, I have deleted the picture of me at the bottom because of its ridiculous size. How can anyone believe that the blog is not about me with that!? I would like to just have a thumbnail picture if possible so maybe someone could tell me how to do that? The assistance would be appreciated.
I feel really excited about the direction that I am getting from "Daddy" and am so very blessed and honored that you are here at the beginning of this new work that He has started. Thank you for your heart, prayers and support. 2007 is going to be a GREAT year for all of us, because He has wondrous things in store. Have a wonderful week of Father/Daughter (or son) time!!!!

You just never know.......

The Lord is so very good! I have to be honest, I have felt kind of dumb writing in my blog because I really didn't think that anyone was reading it. I knew that Neil was and not to make him seem unimportant at all......it's just that we talk all the time and what I write are things that I have already shared with him so it felt kind of redundant if only he was reading them. But I received a wonderful email today from a dear friend regarding my blog that has gotten me excited again about writing. When I set this blog up, it felt God directed and as a possible springboard for my women's ministry, which is going to be called, "Daddy's Little Girls". So, maybe that is still true! I have always wanted to be a willing tool in His hands to glorify Him and you know, I look at my life with so much hurt because I have fallen so short of doing that. But, He is truly the Great Redeemer and I do believe that He is going to use all of my life to glorify Him in the end. It is truly the only thing that makes my past and present failures bearable for me. So I pray that you are blessed by the testimony of His faithful love that my story shows. I am so very far from where I want to be on every level but, He is working on me every day and I am so very thankful for you, the "saints" that He has brought into my life to get me through the rough spots. I pray in some small way, I am able to bless you and remind you that you are special and loved, by me, but even more importantly, by Him.