Book Reviews of He Showed Me Why

I have received two more book reviews and thought I would share them with you since I have been told that they are very crucial in marketing a book.

By Mark Sherratt of Colorado Springs: "An inspiring story of a young girl's trial on the journey to womanhood and the tribulations that set on a course to enlightenment. From the darkness that was her life to the realities of a spiritual awakening that shed the past and opened the future. It is a story of struggle, despair and a driving force to overcome the odds."

By Teresa Fernandez of Colorado Springs: "A riveting biography about a young girl's journey into womanhood. How she handled the trials and tribulations of her environment. How she found herself and a loving, kind relationship with our Grand Creator, God. A spiritual adventure you'll not forget."

*SIGH* It REALLY is a journey made up of baby steps.

There is something I need to explain before I go any further. I don't have a home computer right now which means I have no way to do blog entries from there. So, here I sit at work at 5:00 writing to you. I have clocked out to be a good steward of course. Also, I really think visuals are important but I was looking at pictures of crosses for an entry over a month ago and got a virus on my computer at work. They were NOT happy with me so now I can only use the very few pics that are in Microsoft Office, ugh! Sorry, but this is the best I can do for now. That being said.......

Sometimes I really am not sure that I have anything worth while to share. I feel the Lord reminded me today that He uses my willingness to be transparent with my struggles as a way to help you feel better about yours. Sometimes it is just good to know we are not alone in our cycles or behaviors, at least that is what some of you have expressed to me. So I wanted to tell you where I am in my journey these days.

I have made mention of making the horribly dysfunctional decision to be in a relationship off and on for 2 years that has been my most unhealthy in many years. He wasn't a bad man, just a very broken man and we brought out the worst in each other as co-dependent people will. He has been gone now for a month or so and I am working to pull myself back together and get back on the right track again. It is amazing to me that after all the work I have done to pursue healing that I could fall so badly. But that is the point of this entry. When we come from abuse, the journey to healing never ends, well, in my opinion anyway. We work, we learn, we grow and we........fall. The point though is NOT TO GIVE UP! I could just sit around and kick the crap out of myself...you know..."Beryl! What kind of a moron are you?! How could you go backwards so far? What an idiot you are!!" But those words are words of condemnation and that doesn't come from the Lord. He convicts but never condemns. I could wallow or I could pick myself up, dust myself off and say, "Ok, I am going to learn from this and I am going to move forward and get back on track."

So that is where I am. Almost every night I am taking 2 to 3 hours and cleaning out and organizing some part of my house. I am blessed with a beautiful and rather large home so there is much to do in reclaiming my "pink cloud" but it is happening a little bit at a time. And that is the way everything works.....one step at a time. We just can't quit! No matter how many times we fall. Even if sometimes it is 2 steps forward and 3 steps backwards. We have to keep taking the steps and the Lord will bless the effort. Trust me.....I know.

                 "COME TO ME, ALL YOU WHO ARE WEARY AND BURDENED,
                      AND I WILL GIVE YOU REST."      MATTHEW 11: 13

After the storm...

Well, it is nice to see a break in the storm clouds after almost 2 years......FINALLY!!! I got promoted last week to a position I have been asking for, for quite a while. It also means a raise and once I pass training.....an even larger raise. Big enough that I can afford to live alone in my beautiful home without needing a roommate! That has been a dream of mine for several years and it looks like the Lord is granting that wish. Also, there have been quite a few things wrong with my car for a while and quite a few are safety issues. At the insistence of one of my dearest friends, I finally went to 2 garages to get quotes and the best quote was over $1200! Well, I certainly don't have that! Then this same friend volunteered to pay for all of it! Can you believe that? God is so good and I am sooooooo blessed to have the caliber of friends that I do. Reminds me of a quote from the movie, It's A Wonderful Life: "No man (or woman) is a failure that has friends." I often feel like a failure because of my financial situation and then I read that on my refrigerator and realize the truth of it. I DO have several, not just one or two, but several really wonderful, loyal, supportive friends. How blessed I am! So things are getting much better. Promotion, raise, toxic person completely removed from my life, healthy people in my life, continuing to sell my book, one book at a time......life is starting to feel good again! The Lord really only lets us get hit with what we can stand and never lets us stay in the storm.....if we just hang in there, there is always a rainbow!

When Lord? When?

I don't know about you but sometimes it feels like there is nothing around me but tests and trials! My head knows better. There are good things happening in my life: I found out today that I have sold 20 books. I know.....it's not much but it is a start. I am in the process of eliminating a horribly toxic, destructive person out of my life. No small feat either....I have had to do really tough and even scary things to accomplish it but I want to be healthy dang it! I hate it when I look at a choice I have made and see so clearly that it came from my wounding as a child instead of the God-given wisdom of the adult woman....UGH! But, the important thing is to pick myself back up, learn and try to never make that mistake again. The Lord has brought some new and wonderful friends into my life that are affirming, supportive and loving. Just what my beat up heart needs after this toxic person.

All of that being said......recently, the tests and trials seem to far outweigh the good. I am not going to list them all...not even one because I want to somehow try and be used by God to minister to you. I guess I just want you to know that even in the midst of victory, ie: self-publishing my book (wow, no small accomplishment!) removing a clinging, dysfunctional influence from my world, continuing to get up in the morning and go to work when all I really want to do is pull the covers over my head and go back to sleep....despite the victories........for the most part lately....my heart has been crying out to the Lord. "Lord! Please! I need a break...I can't take much more...I am sooo tired. When am I going to get a break Lord? When?" 

I think the blessings that I do recognise are part of the answer though. Glimmers of light...moments of being able to catch my breath.....truths being spoken into me about my real value, just when I need it most. These give me what I need to put one foot in front of the other for another day or maybe, hour or maybe just through the next minute. Truth is, we are not promised anywhere that fighting to live for the Lord in the midst of Satan's world is going to be easy. I know, you've heard that many times. Me too. Do you know why? Because it is so true and so easy to forget. BUT, the promise we DO have from the Sovereign of the universe Who is also our Daddy is that ......

       "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." Hebrews 13:5

Short and to the point but take a moment and don't think about anything else that is going on in your life or around you. FOCUS on those 10 words. While you mull over the simple truth they contain, look at the picture of water lilies, serenely floating on the top of the water. Just "be" and rest for a few and remember when you reflect on the above verse, remember............."never" is a very, very long time!

He Showed Me Why

It was suggested that I share some excerpts from my book on this blog so have decided to start with the summary on the back cover.

" He Showed Me Why will take you through the life of an unusually tenderhearted woman. She is a testimony to the power of God because her heart was preserved through sexual, physical, emotional and mental abuse at the hands of the two people closest to her. As a cult member for 32 years, she experienced spiritual abuse as well. You will walk through the abuse done to her as a helpless child and then her self perpetuated abuse as an adult. You will hear the whys she cried out through the years. With the transparency of her writing, she will let you into the deepest places of her heart. She will share thoughts and feelings that most would try to hide. In the end, her story proves that even something as horrific as the abuse of an innocent child can be redeemed by the ever present love of God."

If that intrigues you enough to want to read my story, you can purchase it through my website www.HeShowedMeWhy.com  It is available in hard copy or ebook form for you more technical people!

I am always blessed to see you dear ones going to this blog and taking the time to read what is hear. I continue to pray that it ministers to you and your heart.

I am going through so much emotional turmoil right now that I knew I didn't have it in me to write something deep and long. So I started going through my picture files and came across this. I feel like this is from the very heart of God for me AND for you today. I hope it blesses you as much as it did me.

The Stuff Little Girls Are Made Of...

This picture painted by Jim Warren really spoke to my heart when I saw it on his website which is http://www.jimwarren.com/ To paraphrase, he talks about the beautiful and special light that little girls bring to the world. I really appreciated that because it is so true. What is even more true is that while we feel we were stripped of our light by our abuse, our heavenly Daddy knows that it is still there, deep inside of us. He wants to help us find our little girl again and let her light shine into this world that so desperately needs it. Let us take heart and know that by slowly opening up to Him, we will have more beauty in our lives and give more to others as well.

The Lord Continues To Move....

I just wanted to briefly share that as a result of the radio interview, I received my first request to come and share my testimony with a small group of women! I have known that the book isn't really the center focus but rather is to be a springboard for me to be able to share hope with so many other women coming from abuse like me. So this engagement can be an open door to more speaking! I would appreciate your prayers that I will be in the center of the Lord's will in this regard and that He would send more opportunities my way.

Just a parting thought to ponder throughout your day today:

     "The LORD is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him. For he understands how weak we are; he knows we are only dust. Our days on earth are like grass; like wildflowers, we bloom and die. But the love of the LORD remains forever with those who fear him." Psalm 104: 13-15, 17

Though being "only dust" He loves me, He loves you and that love is as constant as time itself. NEVER doubt it, no matter what the enemy whispers in your ear!

Discount Available For My Blog Readers!

Just as a thank you for following my blog I have decided to offer a discount through this site as well as my website and face book. If you go to my website and follow the link, you can enter the following discount code to receive $1.50 off the purchase of my book in hard copy form.

DISCOUNT CODE:  PAT8FHKS

I would be blessed if you would sign my quest book while you are there. I also ask for your prayerful support that the Lord will use the radio interview to reach as many people as possible that struggle with hopelessness due to the damage from childhood abuse.

If you do buy a copy of my book, I pray that it blesses you and affirms the truth in your heart, that you are NEVER abandoned by your "Daddy" no matter how much proof there seems to be to the contrary.

You can listen to me on the radio!

I believe it is a wonderful gift from the Lord that Skip Rice with KTLF 90.5 chose to interview me on his morning show after reading my book. The interview will be airing on Monday, the 28th around 7:40 am Mountain Time. They are on the web so if you are not local to the area, all you have to do is go to www.ktlf.org and on the home page click on "listen live". In a matter of seconds you will be listening to the station. I request that you pray for the Lord to use this to get the word of my testimony out to all who can be blessed and given hope by it. My book will also be available in hard copy through my website as of Monday morning. Thank you for all of your prayerful support and encouragement.

OPPS!!!

I thought that writing the book was difficult! Self publishing is just as hard, only in different ways. Without my dear friend Jenny....this just wouldn't be happening! We have encounted a few technical difficulties so the book will not be available til Monday, the 28th. I apologize for any inconvenience but we want the book to be as close to perfect as is possible. Thank you for your patience with this process. May the Lord bless you and keep you happy and safe throughout your day today.

With The Lord's Help, I Am Now A Published Author!

The last 3 years have been quite a journey and many of you have been here with me the whole time....well and longer than that for some. I cannot tell you how much your encouragement and prayerful support has blessed me through the turbulent years. While it was a huge victory to finish writing the book, actually getting it out there for others to read is an even larger victory. It was actually available online through my website as an eBook on the 6th of this month. But as of Thursday, the 24th, it will also be available as a hard copy. If you go to www.HeShowedMeWhy.com and click on the link, it will take you to the place on Amazon where it can be ordered. I am humbly requesting that you go through my website instead of directly to Amazon because I literally get twice the royalty that way. I was going to hold off on using Amazon's Create Space for hard copies until I made enough on eBook copies to pay for it all myself but have come to realize that no matter how much some people might want to read my story, they won't order an eBook. So, in trying to be flexible, I am going this route a lot sooner than planned. There are those of you that were very supportive of my writing process and I just want to thank you again and am blessed to be able to show you that it was not in vain. You were used by the Lord and I still thank Him for you. You know who you ARE! I welcome any thoughts or feelings you might have about the book after you have read it. Amazon reader reviews would be very appreciated as well. So, let's see what the Lord plans to do with this huh? It's all according to His plan anyway! Blessings!

COMING SOON as an ebook "He Showed Me Why - A Memoir of an abuse survivor and former cult member"

Wow! I couldn't believe it when I saw the date of my last entry. Time truly does fly. I know I have said this before, but I do believe this time really is different. There will be much more consistent entries from this point on.

So what is different THIS TIME Beryl? Well, there were things the Lord needed to do in me before I could publish my book, "He Showed Me Why". Those are the same things that I needed to be consistent in writing on this blog. He has been working much healing in my heart and giving me a focus I haven't had before. Let's face it....publishing my book is an entirely different thing than I have ever done before. I am wasting my time self publishing if I am not going to be committed to promoting it. After all, I'm not just the co-author (God is the Author) but I am also the agent and publisher. This blog is part of God's plan that is now set in motion and I don't intend to do anything to hold His plan up!

That being said, this entry is strictly devoted to announcing that my book, "He Showed Me Why" is going to be available in ebook format as of March 6, 2011. Since I am self-publishing, I am solely responsible for funding and let's just say, um, I don't have any! Well, very little anyway. So doing it as an ebook first will allow me to make the money to then print hard copies. I only need to sell 62 ebooks to make enough money to print 50 hard copies which I feel confident is more than attainable.

It will be available through my website at http://www.heshowedmewhy.com/ with a link to pay through PayPal which is very secure. I appreciate all of your support and any thoughts or questions that you may have once you have read it. This probably won't come as a shock if you have followed my entries through the years, but it isn't an easy read, HOWEVER, it has a GREAT ending!