IT IS FINISHED!!!

No blasphemy intended.....

IT IS FINISHED!!!

3 months and 8 days after I began the Lord's assignment, I am pleased to tell you that the book, "He Showed Me Why" is completed! Thank you for your support and encouragement. I couldn't have done it without all of you!

In The Home Stretch.....

There have been times the writing of my book has felt like it was taking chunks out of my heart, well, most of the time actually. The pain of describing one year after another after another, full of my mistakes and bad choices has been the hardest and most humiliating thing I have ever done. After writing for almost 3 months and still having more mistakes and dysfunctional behavior to write about, much like a marathon runner on the last leg of her race, I was feeling like I couldn’t take another step.

However, the Lord gave me new focus and with it, much like the body of an athlete when she sees the finish line ahead, I too felt that final burst of energy. I wrote 8900 words over an 8 hour period yesterday and am now at the year 2000 in my life story.

I’ve made a commitment to write about one year, every day for the next week until I am finished. So at the very most I have 8 writing days left although I think the Lord may have me end it before reaching 2008

I have decided to put everything else on hold to accomplish this goal which includes communications with family and friends by phone or email. The opposition from the enemy has been increasing with every day and I am fully aware it is because I am close to finishing and Satan doesn’t want my story to be told. My life is a strong testimony to God’s faithfulness and eventual victory which also means it paints a clear picture of the enemy’s defeat . He wants to have as many people as possible feeling hopeless and believing that God doesn’t love or want them. My story makes it very clear that those feelings and beliefs are from the heart of Satan and have no truth in them.

I am so thankful for the encouragement, love, support and prayers you have given and are giving to me for I am absolutely certain I could not have made it to this point without you. Please continue to cover me in prayer as I don’t expect this next week to be without trials. You are all in my prayers daily and I can’t wait to tell you I have finished the race in victory.

In The Thick of It!!!

As you know, I do not like to use this blog as a personal page but in this case, since you know I am working on an assignment I believe the Lord personally gave me, I want to keep you apprised of my progress.

You know I have been writing my autobiography entitled “He Showed Me Why.” I have always tried to learn from my mistakes and know the only way I can successfully complete this task is to completely submerse it in the Holy Spirit, asking my “Daddy” on a daily basis for the strength to accomplish it.

I begin my days spending time in the Word, then in singing praise and worship songs and finally approaching the throne with all my concerns about beginning to write, asking for His anointing on every memory and every word. Since the first day until now, even though I am reliving every painful, ugly, traumatic event in my entire life, I have not smoked one cigarette or had one drink and I have lost 14 pounds! This is despite the fact that many writing sessions have ended in gut wrenching tears yet it is since I began writing that I have attained healthiness on all levels like I have never had before. I am even walking 1.3 miles a day; well, if I’m going to be literal, 1.3 miles a night, usually sometime around midnight. For you worriers out there, my neighborhood becomes amazingly quiet around 10pm and most of the time I don’t see a single car during my entire walk. The nighttime temperatures run between 60 and 70 degrees, the stars are twinkling overhead and I either talk to the Lord or don’t think about anything at all which either way is peaceful and soothing to my heart. There is a small playground about 2/3 of the way through my walk and most nights, I stop and swing on one of the swings for 5 or 10 minutes and get to feel like a little girl again. All in all, these nighttime constitutionals are the highlight of my days and I wouldn’t trade anything for them.

So here I am, on the eve of July 12, 2008 and I am pleased to report that I have written 191 pages with 7 chapters remaining. I believe I can finish this task by the end of this month but when I say I am writing a book, I do not mean it in any kind of traditionally glamorous way. I know I have already said this but it bears repeating. This is the most bloody, grueling, agonizing and intense thing I have done in many years, maybe ever and I beg you to cover me in prayer asking the Father to protect my heart from the brutal reliving of my life that I am being forced to do. Request that He anoint every word and memory so that it works towards my continued healing and hopefully, in the end, will minister to others as well.

I have a few people that are supporting me on several different levels (you know who you are) and I just want to take a moment to say “Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I have no doubt whatsoever that I could not do this without you. My daily prayer for you is that the Lord blesses you for your faithful love and support of me during this difficult journey.” To the rest of my dear friends, I want to thank you for sticking by me as continuing changes occur in my life and for encouraging me in this most challenging God-given endeavor.

The Need to Keep it Straight........

During my devotions today, a few verses really hit home for me especially as I write my story. The title of my book is, “He Showed Me Why” and the reason for that is because of all the years I spent angry at God because of all the painful things I had gone through. Even though my head knows He never causes anything bad to happen to me and He only wants what is best for me, typically my first response during times of testing is to blame Him for it, to ask Him, “Why?!” Because of writing my testimony and reliving painful things I have gone through, I was strongly impacted by the words I read in Malachi 3:17 New King James Bible. "You have wearied the Lord with your words; Yet you say, ‘In what way have we wearied Him?’ In that you say….Where is the God of justice?” and then chapter 4:13-15 which says, “Your words have been harsh against Me, Says the Lord, Yet you say, ‘What have we spoken against You?’ You have said ‘It is useless to serve God; what profit is it that we have kept His ordinance…….For those who do wickedness are raised up.’”

How often my emotions have mirrored those words. I live in Satan’s world which is set up to glorify and give success to the wicked while it beats down and mocks the righteous. Yet I still blame my “Daddy” when bad things happen in my life. When I read that I “weary the Lord” and even worse, “speak harshly against the Lord” when I allow myself to feel that way, it really grieved my heart and makes me want to have a heightened awareness to blame the right person when I am tested and hurting. I need to keep straight who is my enemy and who is always on my side and not let the devil succeed in making me think the unrighteous are the ones who have it made in this life.

Reading and meditating on verse 16 and 17 of the same 4th chapter in Malachi can help keep the right focus and attitude. It says, “So a book of remembrance was written before Him for those who fear the Lord and who meditate on His name. ‘They shall be Mine,’ says the Lord of hosts, ‘On the day that I make them My jewels. And I will spare them as a man spares his own son who serves him.’ Then you shall again discern between the righteous and the wicked, between one who serves God and one who does not serve Him.” I need to keep my eyes on Him and also, the reward He will bestow on His faithful servants instead of desiring the success and empty happiness given to those on the side of this world and its ruler. If I can do that, all of this darkness, pain, disappointment, confusion and injustice that I feel at times, will all be erased and made right.

This promise given to me as well as to you should be our strength. Hebrews 6:10,11,19 says, “For God is not unjust to forget your work and labor of love which you have shown toward His name….And we desire that each one of you show the same diligence to the full assurance of hope until the end…..This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast.” During the storms, let us never lose our anchor and may we walk in victory with Him.

It Will Be Accomplished.....

“As the rain and snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.” Isaiah 55:10, 11 NIV

During my devotional time on Tuesday, the Lord gave me this scripture and while it is one that is very well known in the Christian community, I am amazed at how easily I can forget it or fail to really grasp the enormity of its meaning. There are times throughout the years that I have heard the Lord speak something into my life that has meaning far beyond the day that I heard it and yet I am amazed at my inability to retain those promises the moment that things start to go wrong. Well, a few mornings ago, He reminded me that He has been telling me for years, He wants to use the things that I have been though and that He has done in my life during those dark times as a means to give hope to others that are hurting and afraid. It was many years ago that I received that message for the first time and there have been many periods of despair since then that caused me to forget and yet I now find myself seeing that “word” from the Lord coming true in a very unique way.

As I already mentioned previously in an email to most of you, I have begun to write my autobiography and the Lord has blessed me to write two chapters in five days. I know that I cannot do this endeavor without His help because it entails reliving many painful memories before getting to the “happy ending”. But He is faithful and has provided all that I have needed to do this project so far, which I believe, is a part of His word spoken years ago over me and is now, starting to return back to Him with results. I just felt that He wanted me to remind you that He also has a plan for your life and if you search Him, He will reveal it to you. You can be confident that His will for you, while possibly encompassing things that will stretch you to new lengths, will also have much joy, goodness and peace in store. And His will for your life cannot be diverted by the enemy, no matter how sure you are that the Lord has forgotten you. The next time it rains, be reminded of Isaiah 55. Our “Daddy” only wants the very best for us and in the end, His desires will be accomplished and His purposes will be achieved.