*SIGH* It REALLY is a journey made up of baby steps.

There is something I need to explain before I go any further. I don't have a home computer right now which means I have no way to do blog entries from there. So, here I sit at work at 5:00 writing to you. I have clocked out to be a good steward of course. Also, I really think visuals are important but I was looking at pictures of crosses for an entry over a month ago and got a virus on my computer at work. They were NOT happy with me so now I can only use the very few pics that are in Microsoft Office, ugh! Sorry, but this is the best I can do for now. That being said.......

Sometimes I really am not sure that I have anything worth while to share. I feel the Lord reminded me today that He uses my willingness to be transparent with my struggles as a way to help you feel better about yours. Sometimes it is just good to know we are not alone in our cycles or behaviors, at least that is what some of you have expressed to me. So I wanted to tell you where I am in my journey these days.

I have made mention of making the horribly dysfunctional decision to be in a relationship off and on for 2 years that has been my most unhealthy in many years. He wasn't a bad man, just a very broken man and we brought out the worst in each other as co-dependent people will. He has been gone now for a month or so and I am working to pull myself back together and get back on the right track again. It is amazing to me that after all the work I have done to pursue healing that I could fall so badly. But that is the point of this entry. When we come from abuse, the journey to healing never ends, well, in my opinion anyway. We work, we learn, we grow and we........fall. The point though is NOT TO GIVE UP! I could just sit around and kick the crap out of myself...you know..."Beryl! What kind of a moron are you?! How could you go backwards so far? What an idiot you are!!" But those words are words of condemnation and that doesn't come from the Lord. He convicts but never condemns. I could wallow or I could pick myself up, dust myself off and say, "Ok, I am going to learn from this and I am going to move forward and get back on track."

So that is where I am. Almost every night I am taking 2 to 3 hours and cleaning out and organizing some part of my house. I am blessed with a beautiful and rather large home so there is much to do in reclaiming my "pink cloud" but it is happening a little bit at a time. And that is the way everything works.....one step at a time. We just can't quit! No matter how many times we fall. Even if sometimes it is 2 steps forward and 3 steps backwards. We have to keep taking the steps and the Lord will bless the effort. Trust me.....I know.

                 "COME TO ME, ALL YOU WHO ARE WEARY AND BURDENED,
                      AND I WILL GIVE YOU REST."      MATTHEW 11: 13