Since my last entry much has transpired that has had me feeling down and discouraged. I am sorry for not writing for so long. I continue to be amazed at how difficult it is to be consistent in writing. I am just going to continue to try, know that I’ll eventually get there with His help.
I really struggled to find a scripture that touched me in that, “this is what I want you to write about” kind of way. But finally, Daddy showed me this one that really touched my heart during this season of my life. I was reading The Message in the Psalms and this is what I wanted to share.
Psalms 73: 21-24: “When I was beleaguered and bitter, totally consumed by envy, I was totally ignorant, a dumb ox in your very presence. I’m still in your presence, but you’ve taken my hand. You wisely and tenderly lead me, and then you bless me.” The word beleaguer is defined as harassed or besieged, which are two emotions that I have felt over the last month and a half but I have also struggled with a kind of enviousness too.
When life is so difficult, especially when it seems impossible to keep my walk with my Daddy where I want it, it is hard not to look at others and feel envy or disappointment. In my head I know that I probably don’t have a good beat on what their life is really like but on the outside they certainly seem to have it all together. Yet for me, there are times when everything good is a struggle for me and I wonder if that is going to be the theme of my life. I get tired of feeling like such a disappointment to my Father, you know? This may sound weird, but part of my fleshly child’s heart wants to be His “favorite”….does that make sense to you or am I just strange?
I want Him to be proud of me, of my life and of my devotion to Him.
But when it comes down to it, often times I feel just like an “ignorant, dumb ox” instead and while standing in His presence! I have always had a deep awareness of His eyes being on me and the fact that He does not miss anything that I do or don’t do. And yet as the scriptures say, “You’ve taken my hand. You wisely and tenderly lead me, and then you bless me.” You know, that picture of the ox seems perfect because its complete lack of intelligence is so apparent! I see the need to hit it over the head with a stick to get its attention, you know? (I am not supporting animal abuse here.) And boy, sometimes I think that’s the only thing that will get my attention and get me back on track…..but He never resorts to that. He always leads me away from the path I am on by His overwhelming love and tenderness.
And then how does the verse conclude? “and then you will bless me.” Wow! Not only does He not berate me or smack me around, so to speak, but he is tender in His instruction and guidance and when all is said and done, then He blesses me as well. Not something that I would think to do for an ignorant, dumb ox! So let us join in praising Him today for all the ways that He continues to be our ultimate, loving and forgiving Daddy!
