Lack of Control-sorry for the length but I think worth the read.

Well, it has been a while since I have written but so much has happened. I lost a beloved uncle in death right after my last entry. Someone very important to me gave me notice that she did not want us to be friends anymore because of failings on my part. I was "relieved" of my duties at the temp assignment that I spoke of in my last entry because I was absent 3 days for my uncle's funeral, in Texas. I had a job interview today that was then cancelled because of our blizzard here and rescheduled for tomorrow when I was going to be on a plane to go see my family for Christmas. After many objections and really fighting for it, I was given the chance to have the interview. Wonderful except that meant driving for 45 minutes in a full out blizzard with white out conditions.....which means that you cannot see anything outside the windshield of your car....quite terrifying to say the least! I am, however, pleased to report that the interview went very well...I then lived another 45 minutes of terror with roads that were now twice as perilous as before. When I got to experience the thrill of really getting stuck, God was faithful and sent an "angel" with a snow plow to push me out within 2 minutes. I must brag a little about my driving abilities. I had no 4 wheel or all wheel drive, no studded tires...only normal tires and front wheel drive on a low sitting Buick. I passed one truck after another, one jeep after another, and on and on, in ditches or spinning their wheels in the same spot on an incline. But the Lord got me all the way home, despite doing more slipping than having traction, wading thru over a foot of snow several times and having only about 60% visability most of the time and ZERO visability for another 20%! Praise God! And since I had Neil on the speakerphone of my cell the entire time, he was almost as fried as I was or possibly just as much in a different way.
Then I find out that the Colorado Springs and Denver airports are closed and my flight scheduled for tomorrow has been cancelled. But that's ok, I'll just call and reschedule, right? NOT! Well, unless getting there on the 25th is ok... even though I am scheduled to return on the 26th! Needless to say, I am not going to spend Christmas with my family this year!
WOW! So much need for adaptability....I am amazed at how quickly things can change in life, how much just one phone call can alter the course of my life forever...and...how little control I have in my life. I don't say that to avoid taking responsibility for my life but I do say it because people, circumstances and situations affect me every day. I am realizing more and more that my quality of life and level of happiness are directly connected to the level of flexibility that I possess. It is a very uncomfortable feeling to be at the mercy of people or things that I have no control over. But I am in the process of learning...thru education, life and the examples of people I know... that my life, health and outlook is so much the better for being ok with not always being in control. This would be especially true with trusting my heavenly Father. So as I sit here and write to you at the end of these last few rollercoaster weeks.....I feel a lot less stress and tension than I would have just a few years ago because at the age of 41 years I am finally realizing that control is not all that it is cracked up to be!
Sooooo Daddy......it's all yours!!!!

Compromising My Dreams

I don't want to write just for the sake of writing so I have gone a few days with no entries. But I began a temp job today that leaves much to be desired both in utilizing the gifts I have and just suiting the person that I am. It makes me aware of how circumstances in my life have forced me to do things that I haven't wanted to do but had to do to pay the bills. (Nothing illegal!)
Life has given me many reasons to doubt that I can ever accomplish the things that I dream of but you know what? That is a lie.. a lie that I am not going to let rule my life anymore! It has ruled me long enough! My dreams may not come quickly or easily (but nothing worth having does anyway!) but I am going to try and keep focus on the goals and dreams that I have and with the Lord's help, make them come true. I believe that we are given special gifts to make a difference in life, ours and others...not to be wasted sitting on a shelf. I know that every one of you reading this has very special talents and I just want you to know that I believe in you and in the truth that God wants you to be all you can be and will help you do just that....all you have to do is ask, focus and don't lose sight of the goal. YOU CAN DO IT!!! But you have to try first.

Growth Means Change

I met with a wonderful couple tonight that have many years of faithful service to the Lord so they could go over the scriptural truths about assured salvation with me. This is a relatively new concept since I was one of Jehovah's Witnesses for 32 years! There was no assured salvation in my belief system so this is a hard concept to wrap my mind around. I was really struggling with strong feelings of fear and even resentment as I was driving there because it feels like 32 years of my life was wasted in falsehood even if it was with the best intentions. That's the problem, good living and good intentions did not make me one with God. So as we went through the scriptures and I am glad to say that there is an endless supply of them that show in no uncertain terms that God guarantees the salvation of anyone that asks for forgiveness of their sins and completely turns their lives over to Him. Sorry, don't mean to sound like a sermon, it is just an amazing process to realize that it is hard to let go of what I know even though it is for something much better than what I had! And I realize that letting go is an important part of my growing up (so to speak). I find in every day that goes by I encounter some area that I need to change but am blessed to have proof, on a regular basis, that I am the better for it. So be encouraged that while it can be comfortable to stay complacently where you are......change, especially when the direction is even subtly towards God, will ALWAYS make you a better person!!! Take it from me....one woman that can be very stubborn, I go to bed tonight a better person than when I woke up this morning and it is all because of a openness to change.