Psalms in an amazing book full of human emotions. David was so in love with God and yet so human! I find that so encouraging as one that is so utterly human herself. So let me bounce around a little and share some insight into David’s heart. All of these quotes are from “The Message”.
Psalm 119:25: “I’m feeling terrible-I couldn’t feel worse! Get me on my feet again. You promised, remember?” I can almost see a little boy crossing his arms over his chest and stomping his feet.
Of course, I have ever done that before!
Psalm 119:81, 82: “I’m homesick-longing for your salvation; I’m waiting for your word of hope. My eyes grow heavy watching for some sign of your promise; how long must I wait for your comfort?”
Psalm 119:107: “Everything’s falling apart on me, God; put me together again with your Word.”
Psalm 119:153, 154: “Take a good look at my trouble, and help me……..Take my side and get me out of this; give me back my life, just as you promised.”
Psalm 119:170: “Give my request your personal attention, rescue me on the terms of your promise.”
Along with the obvious pain and desperation that David expresses in all of these verses, I found it interesting that in four of the five verses, David claims his Father’s promises. It is so clear to me that despite the fears, pain, hopelessness and even doubt that David struggled with, bottom line was that he believed in his Father’s promises to him.
As I have stated many times, coming from abuse has made trust or in other words, faith, much more of a problem for me than for the average Christian struggling with lack of faith. I was actually taught that my Daddy could not be trusted, that to trust him was a horrible, painful mistake. I was taught that lesson over and over again for quite a few years. And it only makes sense that if my earthly Father that I could see, could not be trusted, then I certainly could not trust my heavenly Father that I could not see! Right? Not so, but that is the connection that was made in my little girl’s heart when I was being abused. In my opinion, the most demonic thing about my abuse was the fear and mistrust of my heavenly Daddy’s love for me that it instilled in my very core. So I am not going to focus on telling you that you need to trust God when you are hurting or fearful.
I do want to share my belief that it is my absolute certainty that the Bible IS the inspired Word of my heavenly Father to me that has played a big part in my being the person I am today despite all the horrible and painful things that I have gone through. So when I cannot believe in His real love for me, in His taking care of me, I can read scripture and know that despite my feelings at the time, they reveal the truth about His reliability and trustworthiness. Let me give you an example of what I am talking about.
In Psalm 124:6 it reads, “Oh, blessed be God! He didn’t go off and leave us. He didn’t abandon us defenseless, helpless as a rabbit in a pack of snarling dogs.” But it sure feels like that is exactly what He did when I was abused! At least to my little girl’s heart! However, if the Bible is my anchor then I can rest assured that He was there and I was protected by Him in ways that I just couldn’t see or understand at the time or maybe even now. That is the difference in allowing my feelings to determine what truth is instead of letting His word determine it. There are two scriptures sited below. Ask Him to use His word to start rebuilding the foundation of belief in His love for you, his beautiful little girl.
Psalm 118:13, 14: “I was right on the cliff-edge, ready to fall, when God grabbed and held me. God’s my strength, he’s also my song, and now he’s my salvation.
Psalm 116:1, 2, 5 & 6: “I love God because he listened to me, listened as I begged for mercy. God is gracious-it is he who makes things right, our most compassionate God. God takes the side of the helpless, when I was at the end of my rope, he saved me.”
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