Merry Christmas in 2007!!!
At this time of year it is customary for some to send out a Christmas letter updating you on their lives.
While I am not against such a thing, I have chosen to do something different. I decided to focus on YOU this year. After all, it is YOU that makes my life special; it is YOU that gives color and dimension to my world. YOU are the reason that I am thankful for the life that I have! The angel Clarence in the movie, “It’s a Wonderful Life” said, “No man is a failure that has friends.” I agree with that, which means YOU have made me a success! So as you go about your life during this most wondrous and sacred time of year, keep in mind that YOU ARE SPECIAL…YOU ARE LOVED and YOU ARE APPRECIATED!
Have a very, very Merry Christmas!!!!

All He Has Done and Continues to Do.......

There is truly not another book on this planet that is as good a read as God’s Word! What I want to share is much longer than the typical one or two verses that I normally focus on. When I began reading it and then trying to think of what verses to leave out and what not to….absolutely nothing worked. Sometimes you can do that with the Bible and not lose anything, but with this passage, it is all so intertwined and crucial to each other that it had to be all or none. And my heart felt that He wanted it to be all.

Out of “The Message” Romans 8:18 – 31& 38, 39 (underlining and bold is mine for emphasis): “That’s why I don’t think there’s any comparison between the present hard times and the coming good times. The created world itself can hardly wait for what’s coming next. Everything in creation is being more or less held back. God reins it in until both creation and all the creatures are ready and can be released at the same moment into the glorious times ahead. Meanwhile, the joyful anticipation deepens. All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it’s not only around us; it’s within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We are also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don’t see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy. Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good. God knew what he was doing from the very beginning. He decided from the outset to shape the lives of those who love him along the same lines as the life of his Son. The Son stands first in the line of humanity he restored. We see the original and intended shape of our lives there in him. After God made that decision of what his children should be like, he followed it up by calling people by name. After he called them by name, he set them on a solid basis with himself. And then, after getting them established, he stayed with them to the end, gloriously completing what he had begun. So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn’t hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn’t gladly and freely do for us?
I’m absolutely convinced that nothing-nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable-absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.”

These verses are so complete that it is hard for this imperfect human to add much to it aside from my underlining and bold print. Just a few things that ministered to me: I think if I did keep better focus on the coming good times instead of the present hard times, the waiting would not seem like such a burden. And the comparing of my waiting to a pregnancy……that is pure gold and worth really embracing in my heart!
I also love the reassurance that when I don’t have the words to express my heart, when my pain is so overwhelming that all I can do is groan, turn to Him and bury my head in His chest….He KNOWS precisely what I want to say, He KNOWS exactly how I feel. How comforting to my soul! And, after having all that He has done for me so clearly drawn out in the latter verses, how could I EVER truly doubt what I mean to Him? I know that in my case, I forget. I forget the beautiful absolute truths that these verses state. So, I need to keep reminders around me…. I need to be in His Word that reveals His love and devotion in so many different ways…and I need to keep fellowship with others that will remind me in my times of forgetfulness.

In conclusion, how beautiful a picture straight from the heart of our Father…the embrace that Jesus holds us in…..and His embrace is warmer, safer, stronger and more loving than the best embrace we have ever experienced in our lives. THAT is our Lord and our God!

May We Give Thanks......

During this season of reflection and gratitude…I want you to know that you are on my list of blessings that I thank my Father for. Thank you for being in my life and making it better by being a part of it.
In His Love,
Beryl

Please pray for me.........

Well, this entry is of a more personal nature. I need to ask that you hold me up in prayer because I am a week into doing something that the Lord laid on my heart over a year ago. As you know, much has transpired in that time but there are to be no more delays!

A week ago, I began to gather research to write my autobiography. The Lord gave me the name of the book back then: “He Showed Me Why”. I know what the cover is going to look like. I have the dedication, the forward and the prolog. I have the outline and the first chapter written.

What I am doing now, is going through all of my journals, calendars and day planners and writing down all the notes or entries. I have made it to 2002 in the last week. Once I have done all of that up to present, then I am taking all of my pictures (and there are a lot!) and compiling them to match the timeline. Once that is all put together, I will then sit down and pull out the pictures and data from the time period for the chapter I am writing and will lay it all out before the Lord and ask Him to bring people, events and/or emotions to mind and give me the words that HE wants written. I can tell you that it has been a brutal week so far. I am blessed to have someone that is taking care of my very basic financial needs and that is enabling me to focus on this and nothing else until it is finished.

This project is costing me much though and I really need prayer to continue to the end.
There is a whole lot more “ugly” in my past than “pretty” or “good”. The Lord has shown me ways that He is going to use my story to help others on a variety of levels but it is taking its pound of flesh and heart in the process. I have made out a schedule that has me working on the book 4 hours a day and focusing on the blog on a regular basis as well. So I ask that you hold me up in prayer whenever the Lord lays me on your heart. If you could pray that He would help me to keep things in perspective and not beat up on myself for my past and that I would have the strength to stick with this no matter how hard it is. I also have scheduled Sunday to be a real, true day off, a day for rejuvenation and I need to be able to stick by that since the week is so hard for me emotionally. This is easier said than done since taking an entire day off every week seems to be a bad fit for this world and the way that most people function these days.

I don’t want to sound overly negative….I am aware of the God-given focus I have as well as the provision He has made for me to be able to write this and I am excited about the end result and what the Lord will do. But it is very much like surgery. The process is messy, painful, costly and slow going; however, I know that the result will mean much healing and growth for my heart, leading to a bright and exciting future as well as prayerfully giving hope to others.

Thank you for continuing to love and support me with your thoughts and prayers.

May our Father….our Daddy keep you safe and warm in the love of His embrace.

And yet another chapter begins.....

My heart is so full…on so many levels…that it is hard to know where to start. It has been too long since I have written but the Lord has continued to be faithful and work in my life regardless.

But I guess for now, I will focus on explaining the newest change that I have made to this blog. When I first began this blog I didn’t have the full picture of what the Lord had in mind, (imagine that!) and so I set it up more as a blog my spiritual journey than the ministry that He has laid on my heart. That being the case, I wanted to write a tribute, if you will, to my dearest Neil.

I had a very dear and trusted friend point out to me that maybe the Lord would like tribute paid more appropriately because of the focused direction that the blog now has. After all, it is about His power, His love and His affection for us, His children, in other words, the blog is all about Him! As soon as she said the words, I knew the truth of them and therefore am compelled to make a change. But I didn’t want that change to be misinterpreted.

I HAVE been very blessed to have Neil in my life with all of his tender, caring ways and he has brought many great changes to my life and he will always have a special place in my heart. That being said, as I read the tribute that I wrote to him, my heart was convicted because the words written are perfectly descriptive of what my heavenly “Daddy” has been to me for my whole life, not just 8 years. He has been sensitive to my feelings and needs even when I haven’t known what they were! He knows me more completely than it is possible for another human to ever know me. He alone has improved the quality of my life and has used wonderful people like Neil as His vessels to do so.

I have used the term soul mate a whole lot in my lifetime and I have continued to be more and more educated as to what that really means. But as I read the words, I realize that there is no deeper, more perfect or more real soul mate than my heavenly Father! I wrote that I believe that most never meet their soul mate and settle for less. WOW! That is truer from this perspective. After all, even if we find our true mate for life on this earth, aren’t we settling for less if we let that person replace the true “soul mating” with our Lord?! And finally, I wrote, “Thank you my king for being in my life and blessing me with your love and heart.” Well, could there be anyone more worthy of those words than my Lord, my God, my Daddy and my King?!

So I needed to share with you some of the reasoning that leads me to change the tribute from Neil to a tribute to my heavenly Daddy. I also want to state that Neil has said that he would never want to take away from what the Lord has done in my life or share a place in the spotlight with Him. So he understands why I make the change and agrees with it.

So this change brings with it yet another chapter in this, as my pastor calls it, the great adventure of the Christian walk. It is no tiptoe thru the tulips but the richness and depth of it is irreplaceable. Thank you for continuing on this walk with me, I treasure you more than you can possibly know.

A letter to you...

Dear Ones,

I normally will not use this blog to write about personal events but something happened last week that once again drives home the point that we do not know how fleeting and fragile our existence here is.

I received a phone message from Neil on the 6th telling me that his oldest son Matthew, along with Lauren, his wife were in a very serious car accident the day before and that both of their backs were broken. The prognosis for Lauren was good and she was going to have surgery within 24 hours but the prognosis for Matthew was not good and he was not even stable enough to go thru surgery. Neil was in South Africa on a two week missions trip when he received the news. I cannot begin to describe all the feelings that I experienced as I listened to his message. Within two hours time and after many phone calls, there were 6 churches in 4 different states praying for Matthew, Lauren, Neil and the rest of the family. There was prayer for their survival and that there would be no paralysis. There was prayer for the salvation of Matthew, Lauren and Lauren’s family. There was prayer that Neil would be able to get home safely and quickly despite the fact that all of his return flights would have to be on standby. There was prayer that Neil would be held up and strengthened by those around him and that he would have a peace that could only come from the Lord.

Well, you know, God is even more faithful than we can fathom at times. It turns out that the accident was caused by Matthew having a seizure (even though he has no history of seizures). Lauren’s quick thinking caused her to unbuckle her seat belt, grab the wheel and reach down with her hand to hit the brakes. I do not have all the numbers exact but basically this is what I know. They apparently flew over a 20 to 30 foot embankment which caused them to hit the ground so hard that even though they did not hit anything or roll the vehicle, the SUV was demolished, both their backs were broken and they had to use the jaws of life to get them out. Miraculously, the vehicle stopped 20 feet shy of a 200 to 300 foot drop that obviously would have killed them had they gone over. Without writing all that I obviously could to cover the last week and a day, these are the high points. Lauren’s surgery was a complete success, she is expected to have a 100% recovery and was released from the hospital day before yesterday! Matthew’s surgery was a complete success, is expected to have a 100% recovery and went home today! The doctor had to operate on Matthew’s spine thru his stomach and his back because of old injuries from another severe accident 10 years ago.
When he went in, he said that the damage was much more severe than the x-rays or MRI showed and that there is no medical reason whatsoever that Matthew is not paralyzed! When he removed a 3 centimeter piece of bone from Matthew’s spine, the nerve machine that he was hooked up to went crazy with all the nerve activity that started! Apparently with an injury like that, the nerves that are damaged require time to begin working again and yet the doctor said that they “changed right before his eyes” once the bone was removed. It is the consensus that he was eye witness to a miracle from the very hand of God! It is also noteworthy that Neil caught every standby flight on the way home which is nothing short of a miracle because of how overbooked flights are right now.

After driving 18 hours with just a 2 hour nap, I got to Southern California about 5 hours after Neil got home. There is no doubt that God was watching over this accident….answering prayers that had not even been prayed yet.
Matthew does not always wear his seatbelt…but he had it on. Lauren’s quick thinking stopped them short of a drop off that would have killed them both. Neither one of them is paralyzed and will have a 100% recovery. And they are both out of the hospital and walking 1 week and 2 days after the accident!!! How wondrous and marvelous is our God! It has been faith strengthening to me to see that even before we knew to pray and ask, He was answering prayers. That to me is amazing. To see His fingerprints all over what could have been so much more of a tragedy is just awe inspiring to me. The nurses talked about what a miracle it is that both of them had their backs broken and neither one of them is paralyzed. Actually, the “m” word has been spoken a lot over the last week.

I want to thank all of you that have been holding us up in prayer over the last 8 days. Thank you for your faithfulness and loyalty as a family in standing by us in the most powerful of ways. If anyone reading this is in a place today where it may be hard to believe that our Father is listening or cares about you and your life, let this be an encouragement to you. Not only is He passionate about His love for us, faithful in caring for us, loyal in never leaving us but He is answering prayers before they are even uttered. He loves all of us as His children and is mighty, powerful and able to save and He does!

In closing, there are emotional side affects from a traumatic event like this that have to be addressed. I ask for your prayers that I will be a vessel of the Lord during this time of great upheaval and adjustment. Please pray for traveling mercies as I return home at the end of the month. I also ask that you continue to pray for the salvation of these dear ones, that this heart wrenching event will be turned around for the good of all those involved, and that all may come to know Him as the tender, loving Daddy that He is.

In His Mercy and Grace,
Your servant, Beryl

ps: I am not sure how writing is going to work out since I do not have constant access to a computer but if nothing else, I will resume a regular schedule around the 3rd or 4th of October. Thank you for your continued understanding and support.

Tired and dirty but still swinging.....

I am going through some hard trials right now. And to be honest, these trials are causing me to feel a lot of pain and fear. As I sit here to write, begging my “Daddy” to give me His words, I feel so inadequate. And He knows that I don’t want to write just for the sake of writing but it also has been 5 days since my last entry and I promised Him that I would not be distracted from writing these entries anymore. So I want to be faithful to His leading and yet wonder how I could possibly be used by Him when I feel so empty. This is not a “feel sorry for Beryl” entry, I just wanted to be transparent with you and let you know that this broken vessel wanting to be used by the Lord…..often times does not have it all together. I am out here struggling and trying to lead a spiritually victorious life just like you are and sometimes that is really tough to do.

It is important to me that you know that you are in my heart and in my prayers daily and I am strengthened in the knowledge that I am not on the battlefield alone. Thank you for the encouragement that you are to me and for all the ways that Daddy uses you to build me up. Never doubt your value, first, in His eyes and secondly, in mine and the spiritual family that we are. For me, scriptures that offer words of hope are really needed right now and it is my prayer that they encourage you too.

From The Message, John 16:21-23: “When a woman gives birth, she has a hard time, there’s no getting around it. But when the baby is born, there is joy in the birth. This new life in the world wipes out memory of the pain. The sadness you have right now is similar to that pain, but the coming joy is also similar. When I see you again, you’ll be full of joy, and it will be a joy no one can rob from you. You’ll no longer be so full of questions.”

The NIV (New International Version), Psalm 55:16 -18: “But I call to God, and the LORD saves me. Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice. He ransoms me unharmed from the battle waged against me, even though many oppose me.”

The NIV, Psalm 140:7: “O Sovereign LORD, my strong deliverer, who shields my head in the day of battle – “

The Message, Psalm 143:7 and 144:1, 2: “Hurry with your answer, GOD! I’m nearly at the end of my rope. Don’t turn away; don’t ignore me! That would be certain death.” “Blessed be GOD, my mountain, who trains me to fight fair and well. He’s the bedrock on which I stand, the castle in which I live, my rescuing knight, the high crag where I run for dear life, while he lays my enemies low.”

The Message, Psalm 145: 18, 19: “GOD’s there, listening for all who pray, for all who pray and mean it. He does what’s best for those who fear him – hears them call out, and saves them.”

So the bottom line is that despite all the lies that the enemy tries to whisper in my ear, despite all the fears and pain of this little girls heart, He is not surprised by the events that have transpired and He will not only provide for my needs and bring comfort to my heart but if I rely on Him, I will be filled with His joy as well. That is what my prayer is for you when you are feeling worn out on the battlefield of life….let Him be your “rescuing knight” and your shield….you will surely be victorious if you do!

Filling The Holes in My Trust.....

Psalms in an amazing book full of human emotions. David was so in love with God and yet so human! I find that so encouraging as one that is so utterly human herself. So let me bounce around a little and share some insight into David’s heart. All of these quotes are from “The Message”.

Psalm 119:25: “I’m feeling terrible-I couldn’t feel worse! Get me on my feet again. You promised, remember?” I can almost see a little boy crossing his arms over his chest and stomping his feet.
Of course, I have ever done that before!

Psalm 119:81, 82: “I’m homesick-longing for your salvation; I’m waiting for your word of hope. My eyes grow heavy watching for some sign of your promise; how long must I wait for your comfort?”

Psalm 119:107: “Everything’s falling apart on me, God; put me together again with your Word.”

Psalm 119:153, 154: “Take a good look at my trouble, and help me……..Take my side and get me out of this; give me back my life, just as you promised.”

Psalm 119:170: “Give my request your personal attention, rescue me on the terms of your promise.”

Along with the obvious pain and desperation that David expresses in all of these verses, I found it interesting that in four of the five verses, David claims his Father’s promises. It is so clear to me that despite the fears, pain, hopelessness and even doubt that David struggled with, bottom line was that he believed in his Father’s promises to him.

As I have stated many times, coming from abuse has made trust or in other words, faith, much more of a problem for me than for the average Christian struggling with lack of faith. I was actually taught that my Daddy could not be trusted, that to trust him was a horrible, painful mistake. I was taught that lesson over and over again for quite a few years. And it only makes sense that if my earthly Father that I could see, could not be trusted, then I certainly could not trust my heavenly Father that I could not see! Right? Not so, but that is the connection that was made in my little girl’s heart when I was being abused. In my opinion, the most demonic thing about my abuse was the fear and mistrust of my heavenly Daddy’s love for me that it instilled in my very core. So I am not going to focus on telling you that you need to trust God when you are hurting or fearful.

I do want to share my belief that it is my absolute certainty that the Bible IS the inspired Word of my heavenly Father to me that has played a big part in my being the person I am today despite all the horrible and painful things that I have gone through. So when I cannot believe in His real love for me, in His taking care of me, I can read scripture and know that despite my feelings at the time, they reveal the truth about His reliability and trustworthiness. Let me give you an example of what I am talking about.

In Psalm 124:6 it reads, “Oh, blessed be God! He didn’t go off and leave us. He didn’t abandon us defenseless, helpless as a rabbit in a pack of snarling dogs.” But it sure feels like that is exactly what He did when I was abused! At least to my little girl’s heart! However, if the Bible is my anchor then I can rest assured that He was there and I was protected by Him in ways that I just couldn’t see or understand at the time or maybe even now. That is the difference in allowing my feelings to determine what truth is instead of letting His word determine it. There are two scriptures sited below. Ask Him to use His word to start rebuilding the foundation of belief in His love for you, his beautiful little girl.

Psalm 118:13, 14: “I was right on the cliff-edge, ready to fall, when God grabbed and held me. God’s my strength, he’s also my song, and now he’s my salvation.

Psalm 116:1, 2, 5 & 6: “I love God because he listened to me, listened as I begged for mercy. God is gracious-it is he who makes things right, our most compassionate God. God takes the side of the helpless, when I was at the end of my rope, he saved me.”

His Delight........

I have to confess that I sit here afraid that I am being stupid writing these things. I don’t want to talk just for the sake of hearing myself speak, you know what I mean? I sit here begging my Father to anoint these words so that they are a blessing to you.

I sat down to read in the Bible, turned to the book of Isaiah and when I got to these verses, I actually cried as pictures came to me when I read the words. I want to share those pictures with you.

I really enjoy The Message, partially because the writing is so direct and also because it is so visual. What I believe He led me to is Isaiah 62:2-4 and while I realize that He is speaking specifically to Israel, we are also His children because of the precious blood of Christ and I believe that this is His heart for US too.

“You’ll get a brand new name straight from the mouth of God. You’ll be a stunning crown in the palm of God’s hand, a jeweled gold cup held high in the hand of your God. No more will anyone call you Rejected, and your country will no more be called Ruined. You’ll be called Hephzibah (My Delight), and your land Beulah (Married), because God delights in you….”

To think that He loves me so much that He will personally name me….

To read that I could be a stunning crown, a jeweled gold cup held high in His hand……I see this amazing, awesome, regal King taking me by the hand and bringing me into His royal throne room to present me as one that He is proud of, that He adores so much, to all who would see.

“Delight” is such a wonderful word! The picture it gives me is a father lifting his little girl up and spinning her around with such overflowing and enthusiastic love for her and she is laughing with abandon, throwing her arms up in the air, feeling no fear because she knows how much he loves her and she knows that she is safe in his hands.

The words “rejected” and “ruined” struck a cord deep in my heart as I read them because they have been my close companions during a large portion of my life and still attempt to return from time to time. But their power is lessened when I read verses such as these that so vividly paint a picture of how He REALLY feels about me. Taking just a few minutes out of the day to be in the Word can change my whole outlook on the world and yes, even Him. For me…. tonight….these verses are like standing under a waterfall of His love....it exhilarates and enlivens my heart after being bowed down all day and it refreshes me after hearing the scorching heat of the enemy’s whispers in my ear. I pray that it is that for you as well and that you can know with assurance, His delight in you and love for you today.

Lessons Learned......

So much has gone on in my life since my last entry over 2 ½ months ago, but I am not going to take up your time reviewing it. What I will share is some highlights of what I have learned.

(1) When Daddy gives me an assignment, I need to make sure that I don’t allow anything, and I mean, ANYTHING, to get in the way. Here is the trap: There are a lot of good, honorable things out there that can take me away from where He really wants me and once He makes His will clear to me, there is nothing as empty, exhausting or frustrating as getting away from that will.
(2) It is crucial to I keep myself surrounded by other strong women of faith that can cover me and this ministry in prayer when I cannot do it for myself. It can be so hard to ask for help but that has aided me in a more powerful way than anything else to start getting back into His will.
(3) Finally, that despite all the miraculous and wondrous ways that He has provided for me in the past, it is so easy for me to give in to fear and discouragement in the face of adversity. But here is the most amazing thing…..that instead of getting irritated with me and chewing me out for doubting, He used another ministry to send me a reminder by way of email and here was the very short but powerful message:

“The Spirit of God whispers this reminder to you: ‘I
have heard your prayer, I have seen your tears; behold,
I will heal you.’ Jeremiah 30:17”

That came on a day when I was really struggling and very afraid and I was so humbled by His huge love and understanding of my humanness. And that is my real Daddy, not the harsh, demanding, abusive man that I grew up with. It is so easy to mix the two up in my heart and that is what the enemy wants. I am also amazed at how programmed I am to completely withhold grace from myself, to beat myself up if I am not doing everything exactly the way that I should…and when I am feeling like such a failure, feeling so very lost……He whispers words of love and tenderness into my heart.

I pray that those words minister to your heart…for they are for you too. He promises me and promises you that He hears us, sees us and WILL bring healing to us. Let those truths be your anchor today.

It's Not About Us.......

I had the opportunity to be in the Word tonight and I was reading in "The Message" and I never cease to be amazed by the forthrightness of this translation. There were many verses that struck me but in particular, Romans 5:6-8 really touched my heart. I am not going to write it all but please feel free to read it yourself, it will only make it more meaningful for you.

Speaking of Jesus....."He presented himself for this sacrificial death when we were far too weak and rebellious to do anything to get ourselves ready. And even if we hadn't been so weak, we wouldn't have known what to do anyway. ......But God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him." And along the same lines, verse 2 says, "We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us."

I don't know about you but with regularity I still feel like I am "no use whatever to him". And yet, if I allow His Word to be my anchor instead of my feelings, this scripture offers much comfort. The truth is that I don't have to be "of use" to Him to have His love. As a matter of fact, I think this scripture makes it very clear that the gift of His love has nothing whatsoever to do with ME. It is all about Him. All I have to do is open the door! As I have said before, faith, ie:trust does not come easy for us...but that is not required to open the door. Think about it literally, do you have to believe that someone is on the other side of the door that wants to come in for you to open it? NO. All you have to want is some fresh air......but once you open it, then it is a lot easier for someone to walk thru it, isn't it? He understands our frightened little girls heart and so all He asks is that we open the door. He will do the rest. He promises to.

By the way.......He also understands our not flinging it open as far as it will go. Just a crack will do! :-)

The Suffering Won't Last Forever.....

As I sit here, I am overwhelmed by the emotions whirling around in my heart. Over the last 6+ months, other than constant financial problems, things have been going pretty well in my life. NOW, a new season has come and with it.....stress, fear and pain in a variety of different areas in my life. So as I began to pray and open the Word to see what "Daddy" might want me to share, I opened to 1 Peter 5:10,11 in The Message:

"So keep a firm grip on the faith. The suffering won't last forever. It won't be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ-eternal and glorious plans they are!-will have you put together and on your feet for good. He gets the last word; yes, he does."

Now, quite a few entries back, I highlighted this verse but not with the same heart as today. This scripture has tears in my eyes and a heaviness in my heart because I want it to be true.....RIGHT NOW!!!!! It seems like there has been so much more pain in my life than "glorious plans", you know? Of course you do! We are His hurt little girls....we know what pain is. But, my dearest sisters-kindred spirits in pain....take comfort with me in these verses. The wording itself shows that He knew when He inspired the Bible to be written that we would feel like the suffering WAS going to last forever! He knew that we would not be "in one piece and on our feet"! I find comfort in that truth.

We are told in the beginning of verse 10 to, "Keep a firm grip on the faith." This is not easy for us because faith is just another word for trust and we were taught VERY WELL by our abuse NOT to trust and even more specifically, NOT to trust our father. I know that we can take refuge in the fact that our Daddy knows our hearts and understands why our faith/trust suffers. "The suffering won't last forever." So I can tell you what I am going to do as I go into this new week with a very heavy heart. I am going to take it one step at a time, one day at a time and when things seem like just too much.....one hour at a time. And I am going to let His word be my anchor when my trust is weak, if I do that.... THEN I can have confidence that there IS more and that the "more" is "eternal and glorious".
I pray that as you struggle with the various tests and trials that, no doubt, this new week will bring, that you also let these verses anchor you through the storm and to the other side where He kneels with open arms to draw us in to His unfathonable love.

There aren't words....

You know, I can't just act like I haven't written for over a month and yet I don't have words that could possibly explain. All I can say is that I am continuing to try. The aspects of the ministry here are increasing rapidly. A lot more one on one time. And I just haven't figured out how to manage it all yet. I guess that is reasonable since this ministry is in its infancy and the learning curve is rather steep. I know that He will show me how and I just continue to beg for your patience until He does or until I get it! I am not going to make this the focus of the entry so that is all I will say for now other than I am sorry for letting you down and will strive not to again.

The scripture that Daddy gave tonight is really amazing to me. I love the way that it only becomes more apparent to me that all the things I have felt and struggled with over the years have not been lost on Him. I am finding multitudes of verses of reassurance for wounded little girls like us all the time. Listen to these verses, they are perfect! It is in the Message in Isaiah 58:11,12:

"I will always show you where to go. I'll give you a full life in the emptiest of places-firm muscles, strong bones. You'll be like a well-watered garden, a gurgling spring that never runs dry. You'll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew, rebuild the foundations from out of your past. You'll be known as those who can fix anything, restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate, make the community livable again."

Now! How about that for a promise!!!! And isn't that what He is doing with us, one stone, one brick at a time. As much as we will allow Him to, He takes our past that He not only got us through but makes us better women for the abuse! How miraculous is that? He loves us so very much and wants to do exactly what the above scripture says......we don't have to be full of trust to let Him in...just tell Him that you want to trust Him and invite His healing power in your life and He will be faithful to the desires of your heart. He IS going to use us to make the community livable again and who has been better equipped than we have as Daddy's little girls?

I haven't figured it all out yet.....

I just wanted to write to you and say that I really appreciate you taking the time to read the entries in this blog. I have had a few bless me by telling me that I don't write often enough. I have also had some point out that my infrequency of writing can make it hard. You know, when you think to go to it, I have not written anything new and then when you space it for a while because of that, THEN I go and write! I am sorry for any frustration, even tho' minor, that I may have caused.

I confess that I have not gotten a handle on all the different aspects of "Daddy's Little Girls". I will continue to work on this and have no doubt that He will show me how. My goal is to write 3 times a week. I think with the mentoring aspects and support group of Daddy's Little Girls and writing the book He has called me to, three is a good amount. So that is going to be my goal beginning next week. Pray for me!

Thank you for your patience with me as I walk this journey that while challenging, is already being richly blessed by the healing touch of our Daddy. Many exciting things are happening already and I am so very thankful for His leading. In an attempt to keep this shorter (yeah right!) I won't elaborate now, but will share more later. I will just ask that you keep me and this ministry in your prayers as you go about your day. I need them!

Here is a word for you from the heart of your Daddy in "The Message":
"But now, God's message..........'Don't be afraid, I've redeemed you. I've called your name. You're mine. When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you. When you're in rough waters, you will not go down. When you're between a rock and a hard place, it won't be a dead end-Because I am GOD, your personal God, The Holy of Israel, your Savior. I paid a huge price for you.............That's how much you mean to me! That's how much I love you! I'd sell off the whole world just to get you back, trade the creation just for you.' " Isaiah 43:1-4

He loves you so and just wanted to remind you! May you, His beautiful little girl, feel Him love on you today.

His Unfathonable Love

This time of year is like no other.....the weightiness of it is overwhelming to me. I watched "The Passion" yesterday and there are no words to convey my heart response to it. Well, not to the movie but to what the movie portrays very accurately, I believe, what Jesus suffered and yet as we all know, not to the true extent of the reality because it could not be shown in theaters.
While I have struggled with much negative emotion, the Lord spoke to me a little while ago and said, "This is not about how horrible you are or how horrible the human race is, this is about how inconceivably deep my love is." And I was reminded of what Jesus said to His followers in John 10: 16 - 18 and The Message records it this way:
"That is why the Father loves me: because I freely lay down my life. And so I am free to take it up again. No one takes it from me. I lay it down of my own free will. I have the right to lay it down; I also have the right to take it up again."
So with that in mind, I flash thru the various images that have been playing over again in my head since yesterday and my mind cannot wrap itself around that kind of love. To voluntarily take on what He did....and to do that because of love for ME! of love for all of us! how should that touch my heart? What should it make me feel? How would He want me to feel about it? Would he want me to beat myself up and focus on what a horrible person I am because of the part that I play in hanging Him on that cross? The part that I play in the brutality of the flogging, the humiliation, the betrayal, the agony of heart and the horrific agony of body. While I am sure that He does NOT want me to blow those facts off and I think they should motivate a more self sacrificing heart for Him, I also believe that His heart desire is to provide us, His wounded, hurt little girls, with healing, with reassurance that He would never have gone through all that He did just to turn around and abandon us, to betray us or to forget about us. If anything should reassure us of that fact, it is looking at all He has done, all that He endured for me and for you. If anything should expose the lies of Satan that have been whispered in our ears since we were first injured as little girls, it is the willing outpouring of His precious blood on the ground as they literally beat the flesh off of His body. It is the willingness of going thru the heartbreak of abandonment and betrayal at the point in His life when He needed support most. And I believe that one reason that He did is so we could know without a doubt that He knows the the way we have felt as little girls in our betrayal and abandonment. How, quite frankly, our little girls still feel about it.
These things are not expected to make everything ok in our hearts, in fact, I am certain that it doesn't. But what I am certain of is that it is because of His unfathomable love for us that He wants to minister healing to our very core, to our still very small, very afraid, very wounded little girl. And this healing is going to be, is already being given in the smallest ways, yet with restoring results thru His leading in this ministry.
My dear sisters, be assured as women, that He suffered beyond what we can conceive, to bring healing to our little girls and what He purposes will NEVER come back without results.

He continues to lead....

You know, the challenge of following our Daddy's leading with all the other demands of this life can be very hard to balance. I really appreciate your prayers for me in this area. That being said, the main thing I feel moved to share is that I have been praying for direction regarding this ministry and while I have had one specific focus it felt like there was more. Well, there is. He is really laying it on my heart to go over some pivotal scriptures that seem to create a picture regarding how He raises His children. His heart grieves over some of the things that are being said in the Christian realm that are really affecting the hearts of His little girls in ways that actually inhibit our ability to trust in Him completely.
There are studies being done as I write this and I will be sharing them with you as I have shared some already.
I pray that as the days seem too oppressive to handle...too much of a burden to carry...too much to do and not enough time or enough of you, remember the words of the Psalmist in chapter 55:22 in the Message: "Pile your troubles on God's shoulders-he'll carry your load, he'll help you out. He'll never let good people topple into ruin." Please put Him to the test on this....let Him carry some of your burdens. Just give Him a tiny part to begin with if you are afraid to trust in Him to come thru, like I was. He is so tender and understanding that He doesn't mind proving Himself to us and rebuilding our confidence in His love and care, one baby step at a time. Just give Him the chance.

He Has The Last Word!

I've mentioned a women's group that I attend and last week we touched on what I believe is a pivotal issue for any of us that have gone through childhood abuse. We talked about the fact that when I have been giving God "what for" because He did not PROTECT me, what I was really upset about is that He did not PREVENT those bad things from happening to me! Boy, that smacked me right between the eyes. Then we discussed our definitions of protection.
I had a definition immediately that felt inspired to me. It was this: protection is to be brought through some horrible experience or situation and not only survive but be a better person afterwards than if I had never gone through it at all. Now I can't think of any material thing on this planet, that after being struck by lightening or battered by golf ball size hail or going through a level 5 tornado or hurricane that would be BETTER for it! Yet, to my little girl's heart and emotions, my day to day existence was like living in the middle of a level 5 tornado or hurricane! But by my own definition, "Daddy" DID protect me. I have no doubt that surviving abuse has given me a level of understanding and discernment that I never would have possessed otherwise. I also learned that for Him to prevent the evil done to me would have required that He change the whole foundation of mankind and take away my stepfather's God-given right of free choice to do right or wrong! Realizing the truth of that and seeing that according to my definition of protection He never did fail me or abandon me has truly been yet another life changing step in the healing process for me. So it is with these thoughts that I share the scripture He directed me to.
1 Peter 5:10 in the NIV says, "And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." The Message expresses it this way, "So keep a firm grip on the faith. The suffering won't last forever. It won't be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ - eternal and glorious plans they are! - will have you put together and on your feet for good. He gets the last word; yes, he does." I JUST LOVE THAT!!!! So when the enemy would have us believe that there is no point, no good that could ever come from such bad things, be confident and assured that the One who gets the last word is, as we speak, making us better than before! We just have to hang on and cling to His word when we don't have the strength to hold on to anything else.

Words to you from the very Heart of Hope

Since this scripture really struck me earlier tonight and then I opened up to it again by accident I feel that I am to share it with you.
It is Romans 15:13 from the NIV version: "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." As we go into this new week, let us carry this wish, this blessing straight from Daddy's heart to ours. He desires us to be filled with an everlasting hope that no person or circumstance can take away from us. This assured hope is our anchor to get us thru the turbulent times in our day to day lives. The enemy would have us believe that there is no hope...not one based on truth anyway....that it is a dream to think that things will ever get better...but, oh there is so much more than just hope for us! Our Dad longs to FILL us with joy and peace which strengthens us so that we can rebuild our trust in Him with the wonderful result of us then overflowing with a hope that is backed by the power of the Holy Spirit! We could not be in better hands! So as we go thru this week and get hit with things that the Devil would use to dishearten us, let us be reminded that we are the little girls of the Originator of a hope that can easily drown out the evil whisperings of Satan. Let us cling to our Daddy and embrace and absorb His wonderful gift of hope this week together.

From Wandering to Living

Blessings and comfort are my prayer for you, my dear sisters!
I had to wait a while for direction on today's verse but boy, when He directs, He REALLY directs!
The verses today are taken from Psalms 107:4-9a out of "The Message".
"Some of you wandered for years in the desert, looking but not finding a good place to live, half-starved and parched with thirst, staggering and stumbling, on the brink of exhaustion. Then, in your desperate condition, you called out to GOD. He got you out in the nick of time; he put your feet on a wonderful road that took you straight to a good place to live. So thank GOD for his marvelous love, for his miracle mercy to the children he loves."
I really believe that one reason that Daddy wants to use me to share his tender love and desire for trusting intimacy with his little girls is because my wandering for years, looking but never finding a good place to live, just more bad places, the thirst, staggering and stumbling is still so fresh in my heart and mind, like it was yesterday. I remember with detailed clarity all of those feelings. I felt so sure that I was going to be left in the desert, that I would never have a good place to live, that I tried 3 times to take my own life. But, the next part of those verses has also proved to be so very true in my life as well. He did show up in the nick of time! And while it did not happen overnight, actually it has taken quite a few years, I am now on a wonderful road! A road that he set me on a while ago that has led me to a good place to live....in all ways. So while I can understand any of the downhearted emotions that you may be experiencing in this very hard thing called life...I can also offer the comfort of real experience. If you hang in there through the desert, despite your exhaustion, your overwhelming thirst, your staggering and stumbling.......Bottom line, his word is true, he WILL show up, he WILL not only get you through this painful journey, but he will lead you to a "good place to live".

The Perfect Summation

The Scripture that was given to me is taken from Psalm 40 verses 1 - 3 which the NIV version reads as: "I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord."
What amazed me about these verses is that they are a perfect portrayal of our journey. While innocent we were put in the middle of mud and mire, then often times have spent a large portion of our lives broken, crying and calling out in pain, tho' probably NOT patiently! But He is faithful and comes to us. Then despite His golden robes, He walks over with tenderness and love in His eyes, bends down, lifts us out of the mire and holds us tightly to His chest completely unconcerned by the thick, black, icky stuff that is running down the front of His beautiful garments. He takes the hem of his robe and starts to wipe the filth of our shame off our face with a gentleness unmatched by any other, His only concern is for us. And there is no rock more solid to be placed on than THE rock, is there? He then, methodically begins a work of healing in us. A work that quite often, we don't remotely understand but, heart changes do begin to occur, in baby steps we begin to trust in Him and open up to Him. Then to our astonishment, we look in the mirror one day and see that we are not filthy, tear stained, broken little girls anymore! Somewhere along the way without even knowing it we began to stand taller, feel stronger, love truer and embrace the fact that WE ARE BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTERS OF THE KING causing songs of love and praises to rise up and overflow from within our deepest hurts. And what is next? The most wonderful miracle of all. He takes all the horror of our broken hearts, our broken lives and then uses it and us to bring hope, love and compassion to so many other broken little girls that are out there! I am blessedly amazed that my Dad can take my entire 41 year long journey and beautifully sum it up in 3 verses!!! Because, bottom line, above my own happiness, above my own comfort....isn't it all really about the salvation of His children? And when He is able to take my filth and turn it to a thing for His glory that truly does make it bearable for this little girl.

His truth uncovered!

I have begged "Daddy" to keep my feelings out of this posting because they are so strong. This posting is longer than usual because of the content but there is no way around it as you will see.
There is a scripture that I have had given to me and heard quoted by the body of Christ very many times and it never has rung true in my heart. Hold on! I am not saying the Bible is not true so don't stop reading!
Neil has been writing devotionals for me daily since July of last year. There is a point to this. He takes one verse, we have been in Proverbs, and processes each word in a wonderful Hebrew and Greek program that translates the true word and/or meaning. We have seen numerous times now that sometimes the English translation for a Hebrew word has been sorely short on conveying the true word and meaning or seen the word translated completely incorrectly! That got me to thinking about this scripture that has always bothered me and so I asked him to do a word study on it for me. Well! the Lord is indeed faithful if we seek His truth! So I want to share with you what He revealed.
The scripture is Psalm 71:20 which says in the NIV version: "Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up." The New King James says, "(You) Who have shown me great and severe troubles....." The Message says "You, who made me stare trouble in the face."
Here are the facts: "You" is not even in the Hebrew. "Has shown me" actually means to behold, look upon or inspect. The word in Hebrew is used more than any other to indicate the method God uses to speak to His prophets. I have many verses I could site as examples but won't for now. If you want them please let me know and I will send them to you. So the whole concept of God making us go thru many bitter troubles or great and severe troubles or making us stare trouble in the face is completely contrary to the true, tender love of our Daddy. The Hebrew word for "severe" is among other things, evil. Our Father NEVER makes us go thru evil! "Troubles" translates into tribulation. "Shall revive me" translates as restore, lift from discouragement or repair. "Again" translates as a do over or returning to the starting point. "Shall bring me up" translates as ascend or rise. "Again" same word as above, repeated for emphasis, to restore! "From the depths of" translates into abyss. "The earth" translates into firm, earth, the same word used in Gen. 1:9-13 for when God created dry land.
I have felt burdened by this scripture and believe that many others have been burdened by it too without realizing it because of having hearts that focus on the latter part of the verse. But I think that it has unwittingly been used to create a false picture of who our Father really is. I have always wondered how I am supposed to really feel safe with a heavenly Father that would "make me see troubles, many and bitter". That is not a safe person. But in truth, He is the ONLY truly safe person. So, to me, this scripture means that He inspects the evils that have been done to me and PROMISES that He will restore, repair and revive me just like starting over! That He is going to rise me up from the abyss that I have lived in and establish me like the very planet that I walk on! He will never lead me to anything but that which is good, pure, holy, lovely, peaceful, kind, compassionate, forgiving and encouraging. THAT is the Father we have. THAT is the Father that we can trust completely and without a hint of fear! And THAT is what He wants you to know and take comfort in! AND THAT I CAN BELIEVE!

We are not the first......

I begin with another scripture from the list that He gave me the other day.
It is Psalms 77:2-6 taken from "The Message" which says, "I found myself in trouble and went looking for my Lord; my life was an open wound that wouldn't heal. When friends said, 'Everything will turn out all right, ' I didn't believe a word they said. I remember God - and shake my head. I bow my head - then wring my hands. I'm awake all night - not a wink of sleep; I can't even say what's bothering me. I go over the days one by one, I ponder the years gone by. I strum my lute all through the night, wondering how to get my life together."

WOW! I just sat in amazement when I read this because I could have written those exact words so many times in my life. I am comforted in knowing that I am not the only person that has felt that way! Someone else's words written thousands of years ago that mirror my own thoughts, feelings and even actions! The devil wants us to buy the lie that we are all alone, that no one understands how we feel, that we are the first to struggle with whatever it is we are struggling with. Our Father knew that Satan would try and convince us of that and therefore inspired so much to be recorded to show that every single one of our thoughts, feelings and fears have been experienced by many before us. And if you really want to be encouraged, read thru verse 15 and see what the real truths are....we never have been and never are, truly out of His hands. He is our Rescuer, the Redeemer of all hurtful, destructive things and above all, our Daddy, the One spoken of in Psalms 55:22, "Pile your troubles on God's shoulders, he'll carry your load, he'll help you out. He'll never let good people topple into ruin." He is with you today, loving you more than you can imagine or dream. Rest in His arms and in the truth of His love for you.

A Sigh of Relief

First, I need to apologize for not writing sooner. The Lord wanted me to write a Valentine from Him to you and I did not manage my time well enough to do it. I have since had it laid on my heart that this blog is a responsibility that He has given me and I am to make time for it! I still have much to learn. I do appreciate your prayers on my behalf in this area.
When I approached Him and asked for a scripture, I prayed quite intensely that the one He wanted me to share would be very obvious. When I read this one I had such an overwhelming heart response that I knew this was it. Before I share though, I need to clarify a few things. I have read books that insinuate that we committed some kind of sin as children regarding our abuse. I disagree with that thinking wholeheartedly. But I DO know that we carry guilt in our hearts as if we did sin, in fact, as children, some of us were told that we had. So in verse 2 when it speaks of sin, I don't take it as sin like the sins I commit daily that I do need to be forgiven for, but rather the inaccurate feeling of sin and guilt that comes from my abuse. And it was automatic for me to insert "my daughter" where it says "my people" and my name where "Jerusalem" is.

All of this being said, here is the scripture taken from "The Message".
Isaiah 40:1,2 " 'Comfort, oh comfort my people,' says your God. 'Speak softly and tenderly to Jerusalem, but also make it very clear that she has served her sentence, that her sin is taken care of ---forgiven! She's been punished enough and more than enough, and now it's over and done with.' "

I don't know about you but I have spent most of my adulthood feeling punished and full of sin all because of the actions of another. But this is what our Daddy wants us, his little girls to know. These chains that bind, alienate and just plain wear us out are chains that He wants to free us of. Chains that He never intended for us to be bound with. Now, I am not saying that there is a magic wand that is waved and suddenly the chains just fall off of us in an instant. What I can tell you from my own experience is that there are much fewer chains binding me than I had 6 or 7 years ago. I mean a lot fewer! The freedom for embracing life and intimacy with our Daddy DOES come if we persevere. If we just take it one day at a time, even if it's 3 steps forward and 2 back, the women that He created us to be emerges a little at a time and the persistence is really worth it. I can attest to that because I have felt very hopeless and wondered why I was even trying. But then I look at the place, the life, and the people that He has brought me to presently and I am amazed and motivated to continue with the work that I still have to do. And while we are doing that, He loves us.....I mean REALLY loves us. Read that verse again, insert your name and hear the tenderness with which He speaks to you and then, just ask Him to let you feel and receive that tenderness today in a new way. Those are the requests that He loves to hear and longs to answer.

In His Eyes.....

"There's no one like her on earth, never has been, never will be. She's a woman beyond compare. My dove is perfection, pure and innocent as the day she was born."

Wow! Wouldn't it be the most wonderful blessing in the world if someone would say those words about us?! If someone would believe those words until we are able to?! "Pure and innocent as the day she was born." The heart response that I have to those words is more than I can express. That is what I long for...I actually remember being truly innocent and it was a wonderful feeling, especially now, looking back on it. So very many things have happened, in my childhood, yes, but, boy, even more in my adulthood to destroy that sweet innocence. So I read those words with a heart full of longing, tears and regret.

But here is the beautifully awesome truth........those precious words are, in fact, about US! You and Me! They are words from the heart of God for his daughters. Yes, they are from the Song of Solomon. I deliberately did not mention it before now, as I know the buttons that book can push for many of us. But, the truth of that book is that it is a deliberate picture that our Daddy inspired to be written so that we could know how He sees us. And that is how He sees us....right this moment....before another "work" can be done towards healing, before another session can be attended, another healthy decision made. These are all things that WE feel driven to do because we have been taught that we are not the beautiful picture portrayed in the words above. But the truth is, we are beautiful, lovely, adored, precious and yes, even pure in the eyes of our REAL Daddy right now! I meet with a group of some of the most amazing women that I have ever known and I venture to say that none of them feel that they are beautiful and yet, they are truly more beautiful than I can say. They have hearts that are amazing to me, that bless me every week and are women that I feel honored to know and have in my life. That is why our spiritual family is so very important. They can reflect the things that our Father sees in us that we cannot see in ourselves. They can love us and believe in us until we can do it ourselves. But as a step in that direction.....I challenge you again to just very simply ask Him to show you a part of your beauty. This can be extremely hard for a variety of reasons, but I can tell you from my own experience that He understands our fears and wants to restore our trust in His love. It's just a baby step BUT, that is how the journey happens....just one baby step at a time. Thank you for being on this journey with me. You bless my heart more than you will ever know..well, at least in this world! :-)

For anyone interested: The scripture is Song of Songs 6:8,9 in "The Message"

Exciting times!

The Lord continues to move in wonderful ways regarding the women's ministry that He has called me to. On the left is the new logo that He inspired me to draw. He made it clear to me quite a while ago that the reason that sexual abuse is so wounding and far reaching is because it wounds or even breaks the very core of who the girl is. Then once we become women, those far reaching affects bleed over into every aspect of our lives even though we may not be aware of it. The little girl learns very fundamental as well as crucial things from her abuse. How to view herself, men, parenting, home, marriage and MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL, how she views God. And the most horrible thing about abuse and in particular, sexual abuse is that it ruins our trust in our Heavenly Father and His love for us. From everything that I have learned it then becomes impossible to live the full, abundant life that Christ shed His blood for. So the Lord wants me to make the focus of His ministry, the little girl inside that is still broken and battered. He wants her to be reached and taught how to begin to trust Him and receive His love that He has for her alone. It is only when the little girl begins to believe in His love for her and trust Him, that the now grown woman can begin to make powerful changes in her view on every aspect of life and in turn, change her life. Abuse imprisons and He, our Daddy, wants us to be free! There is not a form of abuse that I have not experienced other than demonic, ritual abuse. For so long I could not understand why He allowed all those awful things to be done to me. Now, however, I have no doubt that while He would NEVER cause abuse to be done to a child, He can turn the evil of Satan and this world around for His purpose. And He intends to use my life experiences to extend hope for you, the wounded little girl that is crying out for the love of her Father. I can tell you that while the journey is very difficult as well as painful....as you begin to receive healing and begin, one step at a time to cling to Him, life becomes a very different experience. A life of joy instead of a life of survival begins to emerge and THAT is the life that He wants for me and for you. So hang in there, I can tell you from experience that there are wonderful things over the horizon if you are willing to work at healing and as a result begin trusting in His love for you.

Just to say.....

that I pray that you have had a blessed day and that you did ask Him to show you an aspect of your beauty. He just wants you to know that He loves you dearly and is proud of you. Yes, He IS! because He isn't near as hard on us as we are on ourselves! May you feel the caress of His hand and see the love in His eyes that is for you alone. Isn't that awesome! That He can focus on every single one of us like we are His only child! What an awesome Father we have! Be blessed and rest in His love.

Never Forget Who Our Real Daddy Is!

I continue to be blown away by the overwhelming truth that we are formed as human beings by the imperfect hands of our parents. Well meaning parents hopefully, but imperfect nonetheless. And while it only takes a small percentage of our life to be developed by them, we then spend the rest of our life dealing with whatever they developed in us. As a survivor of well meaning but very broken parents, I really resent and struggle with the reality of that truth. And then, to make it worse, I know so many special hearts that deal with that same reality every single day, some more aware of that fact than others. And my heart aches for them and frankly, me as well. It seems so very unfair. But as I was thinking about that tonight, another voice came clearly thru and drowned out my own.

"BUT the bottom line is that you are MINE and I am your Father. I take care of what is mine and you are a work in progress, a work that I never did and never will forget about. I am using all of the baggage that you are so weary of carrying for my purpose. And in the end, you will be healed of ALL your wounds. Those two people who raised you and the baggage they gave you is NOT your legacy. I AM YOUR LEGACY. You are a daughter of THE King, my special little girl and the apple of MY eye."

So I sit here with tears in my eyes because that is the real truth. It is the truth that I need to remember as I continue on my difficult journey of, as someone special told me once, "discovering, uncovering and discarding." That even though I am broken and backwards as a human being, when He looks at me, He sees a woman that is whole and beautiful. And He wants you to know today that despite the wounds of the past and being on a journey of discovery, as you are right this moment.....YOU are a bright light in the heart of your Daddy....a beautiful, radiant daughter of The King. Ask Him today to show you an aspect of your beauty that you have forgotten or maybe have never even recognised...don't be afraid to ask because He has a long list to choose from and wants to show you how lovely you truly are.

Changes Are Good......

I have taken these thoughts in prayer to "Daddy" and feel good about the changes I have just made to His blog. I say His because this blog really isn't about me....if it is, then you are just wasting precious time reading it. This blog is about Him and His work and therefore it belongs to Him. That being said, here are the changes that I felt led to make. For one, I did not understand all of the settings to the blog and some have not been able to write any comments. Well, now the settings allow anyone to make a comment. You do not have to be a member of blogspot. I have also changed the settings on the comments themselves. Since this blog is not here for entertainment value or meaningless banter, all comments are now going to be hidden and sent to me personally. That way, you can feel comfortable to express whatever feelings you may have with the knowledge that the only one reading them will be me. The only asterisk that I put on this is that I THINK that is the way I have now set it up! Those of you that know me also know that computers and I....well....how should I say it? We don't always get on so well! :-0
The first comment that I receive will let me know how successful I was. If I have not set it up correctly, I will fix it. It is crucial that you feel safe to express your heart should you feel so led.
By the way, I have deleted the picture of me at the bottom because of its ridiculous size. How can anyone believe that the blog is not about me with that!? I would like to just have a thumbnail picture if possible so maybe someone could tell me how to do that? The assistance would be appreciated.
I feel really excited about the direction that I am getting from "Daddy" and am so very blessed and honored that you are here at the beginning of this new work that He has started. Thank you for your heart, prayers and support. 2007 is going to be a GREAT year for all of us, because He has wondrous things in store. Have a wonderful week of Father/Daughter (or son) time!!!!

You just never know.......

The Lord is so very good! I have to be honest, I have felt kind of dumb writing in my blog because I really didn't think that anyone was reading it. I knew that Neil was and not to make him seem unimportant at all......it's just that we talk all the time and what I write are things that I have already shared with him so it felt kind of redundant if only he was reading them. But I received a wonderful email today from a dear friend regarding my blog that has gotten me excited again about writing. When I set this blog up, it felt God directed and as a possible springboard for my women's ministry, which is going to be called, "Daddy's Little Girls". So, maybe that is still true! I have always wanted to be a willing tool in His hands to glorify Him and you know, I look at my life with so much hurt because I have fallen so short of doing that. But, He is truly the Great Redeemer and I do believe that He is going to use all of my life to glorify Him in the end. It is truly the only thing that makes my past and present failures bearable for me. So I pray that you are blessed by the testimony of His faithful love that my story shows. I am so very far from where I want to be on every level but, He is working on me every day and I am so very thankful for you, the "saints" that He has brought into my life to get me through the rough spots. I pray in some small way, I am able to bless you and remind you that you are special and loved, by me, but even more importantly, by Him.

It's been a while....but His work continues!

I have sat down in front of my computer several times to write and just felt too exhausted to try and express my feelings about events in my life. Because as usual there is a lot that has gone on. The Lord continues to allow my faith to be tested in regards to employment. I was let go on yet another job as of Friday so I am currently unemployed, AGAIN! But what I am learning is that I can only do that best that I can do, when I am on a job and then when I don't have a job and am looking. When I look at the sum total of the last last 3+ years, bottom line, I have had all my needs taken care of. Consistently. So when I start to panic, I just look around and realize that I have no real reason to fear. The Lord has used various "saints" that have helped me through the lean times and while I desperately want to take care of my financial needs with no assistance, I am aware that He has used them to get me through. I have continued to work at jobs that have brought me to tears for being treated badly or other difficulties and I have not quit. I know that the Lord appreciates my willing heart and I am not bragging, I just realize that working in harmony with my prayers for a permanent job is necessary. That He doesn't just want me to sit here and pray for His help while not actively working towards what I need. So here I am, counting on the Lord to provide as well as finding ways to try and help myself.
I am aware that more than likely, you also have had things happen in your life over the last month that have been difficult, since that seems to be the way of life these days. I pray that you also are able to lift these things up to the Lord with confidence in His provision as well as the ability to see some ways that you can also help yourself. And, well, the wisdom, to know which one is appropriate. I have missed sharing with you and want to be clear that though I have not written, the Lord has continued to work in my heart in areas needed. I am going to try and focus on sharing more often and pray that you continue to be blessed by His hand in my life. Truly, everything in my life is about His work and boy, oh boy, is there much work left for Him to do!
May the Lord keep you in His care till we talk again!

Answered Prayer and Goals for 2007

Happy, Happy New Year! Wow! 2006 was something else!
I am excited to be starting 2007 with new vision and purpose.

I am blessed to report that my new year is already starting really well. Yesterday was the first day of my new and permanent job! (Praise God! No more temp assignments!)Ex. Assist. to President of Worley Enterprises. He is a blind man that has contributed greatly to the growth of Blind Merchants Association and is playing a big role in getting visually handicapped people into jobs and even owning their own businesses. Another large part of his company with almost 350 employees has government contracts for food service for the military bases. I don't understand it all yet but what I have learned is really fascinating to me. I really love the service aspect to his business ethics. He values his employees and believes in rewarding good work, which is a huge blessing in itself and promises to actually provide the income that I need.

I want to share the goals that I have for 2007... I figure if I tell you about them, it makes me accountable to those of you that are dear to me. My landlady and I just talked today and I am going to pursue buying this home by the end of the year. It would be the first time I owned a home and that would be a huge financial accomplishment for me. I also intend to have my book finished by the middle of the year. I would love to be married to my sweetheart by the end of this year. And I would like to see more growth in my healing as well as in my mentoring ministry. I think that is more than enough, don't you?

I pray that you have had time to review the last year with its blessings, its failures and the valuable lessons that they hold. I pray that you are able to really visualize what you would like to accomplish in your life in 2007 instead of just ambling thru the next year. A life with purpose is a most satisfying life! I would love to hear any goal or vision that you have for the year 2007 or any thanks that you have for 2006.

I look forward to sharing 2007 with you...my dearest family and friends.