COMING SOON as an ebook "He Showed Me Why - A Memoir of an abuse survivor and former cult member"

Wow! I couldn't believe it when I saw the date of my last entry. Time truly does fly. I know I have said this before, but I do believe this time really is different. There will be much more consistent entries from this point on.

So what is different THIS TIME Beryl? Well, there were things the Lord needed to do in me before I could publish my book, "He Showed Me Why". Those are the same things that I needed to be consistent in writing on this blog. He has been working much healing in my heart and giving me a focus I haven't had before. Let's face it....publishing my book is an entirely different thing than I have ever done before. I am wasting my time self publishing if I am not going to be committed to promoting it. After all, I'm not just the co-author (God is the Author) but I am also the agent and publisher. This blog is part of God's plan that is now set in motion and I don't intend to do anything to hold His plan up!

That being said, this entry is strictly devoted to announcing that my book, "He Showed Me Why" is going to be available in ebook format as of March 6, 2011. Since I am self-publishing, I am solely responsible for funding and let's just say, um, I don't have any! Well, very little anyway. So doing it as an ebook first will allow me to make the money to then print hard copies. I only need to sell 62 ebooks to make enough money to print 50 hard copies which I feel confident is more than attainable.

It will be available through my website at http://www.heshowedmewhy.com/ with a link to pay through PayPal which is very secure. I appreciate all of your support and any thoughts or questions that you may have once you have read it. This probably won't come as a shock if you have followed my entries through the years, but it isn't an easy read, HOWEVER, it has a GREAT ending!

It's a process......

Do you ever feel like this inside? I spent the last half of my day yesterday feeling like I was twisting and turning in the wind! I was feeling led to write today, so was looking through my daily devotional and came across Psalm 51:10:

"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me."

"Renew a steadfast spirit".....what does that indicate? It tells me that we can expect to have days of tumult and feelings of upheaval..that is just part of doing this thing we call life. But the key...is to turn to our Father and ask Him to calm the storm, AGAIN, and to bring back His pure peace into our heart so we can see in truth. What I mean is, last night, I was discouraged, afraid, hopeless and frustrated. When I am in that place, in the midst of the storm, I am incapable of seeing and feeling anything but the waves splashing in my face and the wind whipping me around...and when I am there, I'm right where the enemy wants me. I think that there are times in our lives when calming the storm in our spirit is something that is done daily...it is a process. And the key thing to remember is that I can't do this alone...He is the Calmer of the storm and the Source of the peace that I seek...the clarity and focus I desperately need...all rest in the palm of His hand. I found comfort in the above verse because it says to me that He knows that despite having a day of peace, the very next day I could find myself being tossed about like a wave on the ocean again and will need to go back to my anchor and beg Him to calm the storm. He is okay with that and He loves me anyway.

What is my identity?

When we are abused...in any fashion...we learn as children to wear masks because we, of ourselves are not acceptable (at least that is the lie we are told.) In some cases, we not only have our own masks that we wear to try and protect ourselves, but we have masks that are thrust upon us, that we had better conform to, or be willing to accept the horrible consequences. But as we get older, without realizing it, both types of the masks can become our identity, either to win favor or as a protective instinct. Then, suddenly, we realize, that we have no idea who we really are, how we really feel or what we really believe. We start to cling to the false masks we have because we just know that if we take them off and look in the mirror, we will find and see....nothing...nobody. So the question beckons us....isn't it better to wear a false mask than to rummage through the years of abuse and pain to rediscover ourselves again? Isn't a fake identity better than no identity at all? PRAISE THE LORD that He holds the answer to this frightening, painful conundrum.

Acts 17:28 says, "For in Him we live and move and have our being." Italics mine

What a wonderful place to start finding ourselves! While trusting in Him for anything is an ongoing battle....if we just open the door to Him a crack and timidly ask, "Please....Daddy...show me who I am in Your eyes. Help me begin to find MY beliefs. Help me begin to know that it is okay for me to have feelings and to express them. Show me small ways that I can start to explore the parts of me that are really me and that You love." There is no one that wants us to be whole individuals more than our Father and He says in His word that if we ask ANYTHING according to His will, He will give it to us. Rest assured, we will begin to find our true identity with His guidance and strength.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world world YOU WILL HAVE TROUBLE. But TAKE HEART! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

Some days are just toooo much!

I really feel in need of the stress reduction kit today! It's actually appealing to think about using it! Sometimes it feels like no matter how hard I am trying...I just keep running into walls. Do you feel that way too? So as I was feeling the frustration of spirit within me I began to peruse a women's devotional. A verse jumped out at me that caused me to just take a deep breath and I wanted to share it with you.

It's Zephaniah 3:17 which says:

"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."

"He will quiet you with his love." When feeling tulmult in our hearts....let us just breath for a moment and remember our "Daddy's" love...and let Him quiet us. He is faithful and will.....if we let Him.