"The peace that I give you transcends your intellect. When most of your mental energy goes into efforts to figure things out, you are unable to receive this glorious gift. I look into your mind and see thoughts spinning round and round: going nowhere, accomplishing nothing. All the while, My peace hovers over you, searching for a place to land.

Be still in My presence, inviting Me to control your thoughts. Let My light soak into your mind and heart, until you are aglow with My very being. This is the most effective way to receive My peace."

Excerpt from "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young

I have talked about this before but it bears repeating. The abuse we suffered as children hard wired us to analyze and try to figure out our circumstances. We were trying to make sense of the insanity that we were living in. In the past I have done it to the point of wanting to tear my hair out from the frustration of being unable to stop my analyzing! There are still times I struggle to figure everything out that comes my way in this complicated thing called life. However, I don't struggle with it like I used to. I can honestly say I have more peace in my life than I've ever experienced before.

So....how did I stop? I have heard many who struggle with anxiety due to over analyzing say that they just don't know how to stop. Well, neither did I. I tried using drugs and alcohol to stop me from over thinking but found they only made me analyze more. There was no place of rest from my mind but that's because I was trying to stop it. However, God's Word states very clearly that there is only one Source of assistance with this. Isaiah 26:3 says "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you." Verse 12 says "LORD, you establish peace for us; all that we have accomplished you have done for us." For years, I have been asking, even begging the Lord to make me the woman HE wants me to be, the woman HE created me to be. I am here to offer hope because as time passes, I see Him making those changes in me that I have been so hungry for, yet unable to attain. I have found that it is only surrendering to Him that causes changes take place in me, LIKE over analyzing life! He died so that we could have peace. He yearns for us to be full of His peace. But like verse 12 says.....everything that is accomplished in our lives is only through Him. So, the next time you're in the middle of the hurricane of your thoughts.....call out to Him. Keep calling out to Him. Don't ever stop asking Him to change the way you think and while it won't happen overnight, He will be true to His Word. As a result, you will find you have increasing levels of peace in your heart and life despite the mounting insanity of the world around us.

His concern for me is beyond comprehension....

I have a wonderful friend and fellow believer at work named Jack. He has a heart of gold and is always looking for ways to show the love of Christ to everyone. He knows the struggles I have and shares things that he thinks will minister to my heart. I have to share the latest one with you from the book "The Cure" by John Lynch, Bruce McNicol and Bill Thrall.

"God never tells me to get over something and just get past it. Never. Instead, He asks me to trust Him with every circumstance. That involves communicating with Him honestly, in detail, until I'm sure I've left nothing out. He wants to hear it all. He wants to enter into every tear, every detail. He's been waiting for this moment. He's watched me go it alone. Now He will sit, elbows on knees, chin resting on hands, listening to every single word. I must sigh, cry, shriek, or howl, until He's certain I'm done, that I've gotten it all out."

The visual of Him sitting, elbows on knees, chin resting on hands, listening to every single word moves my heart so deeply. I deliberately didn't add a picture to this post because I want this to be the picture in your mind and heart. Sometimes we get so caught up in His awesomeness, His majesty and the fact that He is Ruler over the entire universe, we forget about His availability to us, 24 hours a day. And He isn't just available, He is REALLY interested in the things important to us and NEVER wants us to carry our pain alone. As abuse survivors it can feel that the pain of our wounds is more than we can bear. Honestly, I think it is without Him. I can't imagine having to deal with my heartache alone. Feel free to rant and rave, scream and shout, pound the walls and the floor.....He wants us to give every drop of our pain and woundedness to Him. Believe me when I tell you that I have and always found that in return, He offered the healing touch of His tender love for me as His little girl and has that same tender love for you.

"The troubles of my heart have multiplied; free me from my anguish. Look upon my affliction and my distress....." Psalm 25:17, 18

"O LORD my God, I called to you for help and you healed me." Psalm 30:2

"Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuse in him."

Psalm 34:8

I can't fix anything by myself.....

My devotional "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young has a way of just reaching in and speaking to my fears. That being said, I had to share today's reminder with you.

"THE WORLD IS WITH YOU TOO MUCH, My child. Your mind leaps from problem to problem, tangling your thoughts in anxious knots. When you think like that, you leave Me out of your world-view and your mind becomes darkened. Though I yearn to help, I will not violate your freedom. I stand silently in the background of your mind, waiting for you to member that I am with you.

When you turn from your problems to My presence, your load is immediately lighter. Circumstances may not have changed, but we carry your burdens together. Your compulsion to "fix" everything gives way to deep, satisfying connection with Me. TOGETHER, we can handle whatever this day brings."

The highlighted part above...."Your compulsion to "fix" everything".....as I have said before, stems from our abuse as children. However, that doesn't mean we have to accept it with the mindset of "That is just the way that I am." Invite the Lord into your thought processes and ask Him to remind you of verses like those below. Stand on the truth that is in God's Word and be assured that the peace we so desperately crave.....will never come until we stop trying to fix everything ourselves and start handing it over to Him.

 "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Isaiah 41:10

"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."

Zephaniah 3:17 

My feelings are NOT reality!

I want to share the devotional I read today in  "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young.

     "I WANT YOU TO KNOW how safe and secure you are in My presence. That is a fact, totally independent of your feelings. You are on your way to heaven; nothing can prevent you from reaching that destination. There you will see Me fact to face, and your joy will be off the charts by any earthly standards. Even now, you are never separated from Me, though you must see me through eyes of faith. I will walk with you till the end of time, and onward into eternity.

     Although My presence is a guaranteed promise, that does not necessarily change your feelings. When you forget I am with you, you may experience loneliness or fear. It is through awareness of My presence that peace displaces negative feelings. Practice the discipline of walking consciously with Me through each day."

I always enjoy looking in God's word for scriptural backup to solidify any devotion I write or share with you. I found a Psalm that does so in such a beautifully picturesque way. The 23rd Psalm is so well known that sometimes we can start to miss the depth of the message therein. So, meditate on it and let it be a comfort to you in these stressful times.

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."

With my background, both at home and in the organization of Jehovah's Witnesses, I can't get enough reassurance of the Lord's everlasting love for me. During my times of doubting His love or just feeling unloveable, period, I cling to the truth of the sentence I underlined. Regardless of how I FEEL, the absolute truth is that He loves me and NOTHING I do can EVER change that! That same truth applies to you. There is NOTHING you can do that will destroy His love for you! We can't undo the damage our abuse did to our hearts as well as our faith. BUT, we CAN ask Him to work healing in these areas. I encourage you to do just that, with the confidence that He has already promised healing to those who ask for it.

    

Why don't I have peace?

The devotion I read today made me ponder peace. Peace is something that we all crave, isn't it? I struggle with over analyzing and worry on a regular basis. I have learned from my years of counseling that a big contributing factor is my abuse as a child. As a child, subconsciously, my brain was trying to make sense of an insane situation that I instinctively knew was wrong. And because it was insane my brain could never come up with an answer or a solution, therefore while being hard-wired as a human being, my mind learned to analyze all the time. Now over-analyzing is something I battle regularly....sometimes to the point of feeling like I am losing my mind! Interestingly enough, I have yet to meet an abuse survivor that is not the same way. So, if you struggle with this too, be assured that you are not alone.

That being said, when I ponder peace and the times I don't have it, the truth is that I am walking alone.....at least that's what it feels like. It's a self imposed solitude, don't get me wrong. And the reality is that our Lord is always with us but if we choose, we can put distance between us and Him. I grew up hearing, "If you find you aren't close to Him, guess who moved?" The other contributing factor to feeling anxious is that I am usually looking beyond today.

I have spoken to you often of my struggle with belief in His love for me and I am pleased to report that He has brought a lot of healing to that area of brokenness in me. There is still much healing needed because I am far from cured. I have discovered however, that it is much easier for me to trust Him for today, than for the rest of my life. What I appreciate is that He is okay with that and interestingly enough, that is really all the Bible asks us to do. Trust Him for our needs.......today. Why is this so important? Because there just isn't any peace for us outside of that trust. Our abuse taught us to rely on ourselves but how well have we taken care of ourselves, really? I don't know about you, but I have treated myself like a piece of crap most of my adult life. That didn't began to change until I invited Jesus into my life to love and take care of me.

He doesn't just want to love us but wants to bring healing and peace into our hearts and lives as well. My book describes my journey to healing in depth but I offer you the hope that what you seek so desperately is available, but I have only found it in Him. I challenge you to just try it for a day. When you start thinking about tomorrow or 3 months or 6 months down the road....stop yourself and pray, "Lord, just get me through today. Take care of my needs, today."

Luke 1:79 when speaking of Jesus says that He came "to guide our feet into the path of peace." Isaiah 26:3 says, "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal." verse 12 says, "LORD, you establish peace for us; all that we have accomplished you have done for us."

Let the Lord have today.....just today. I mean a real effort to restrain yourself from looking beyond today and the worries of tomorrow. Focus on Him who loves you and wants you to have perfect peace.

"Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way."

2 Thessalonians 3:16