The Journey of Daddy's Little Girl's

noreply@blogger.com (Beryl Williams) — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 19:14:00 +0000

I am keeping this short for now. I basically wanted all of you to know that I am on a journey to get back to this blog being a regular part of my life. Much has happened to throw me off course but the Lord is beginning to call me back. I have missed sharing and missed your responses. I look forward to talking with you soon.

In His MUCH needed grace,
Beryl

IT IS FINISHED!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Beryl Williams) — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 12:13:00 +0000

No blasphemy intended.....

IT IS FINISHED!!!

3 months and 8 days after I began the Lord's assignment, I am pleased to tell you that the book, "He Showed Me Why" is completed! Thank you for your support and encouragement. I couldn't have done it without all of you!

In The Home Stretch.....

noreply@blogger.com (Beryl Williams) — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 03:30:00 +0000

There have been times the writing of my book has felt like it was taking chunks out of my heart, well, most of the time actually. The pain of describing one year after another after another, full of my mistakes and bad choices has been the hardest and most humiliating thing I have ever done. After writing for almost 3 months and still having more mistakes and dysfunctional behavior to write about, much like a marathon runner on the last leg of her race, I was feeling like I couldn’t take another step.

However, the Lord gave me new focus and with it, much like the body of an athlete when she sees the finish line ahead, I too felt that final burst of energy. I wrote 8900 words over an 8 hour period yesterday and am now at the year 2000 in my life story.

I’ve made a commitment to write about one year, every day for the next week until I am finished. So at the very most I have 8 writing days left although I think the Lord may have me end it before reaching 2008

I have decided to put everything else on hold to accomplish this goal which includes communications with family and friends by phone or email. The opposition from the enemy has been increasing with every day and I am fully aware it is because I am close to finishing and Satan doesn’t want my story to be told. My life is a strong testimony to God’s faithfulness and eventual victory which also means it paints a clear picture of the enemy’s defeat . He wants to have as many people as possible feeling hopeless and believing that God doesn’t love or want them. My story makes it very clear that those feelings and beliefs are from the heart of Satan and have no truth in them.

I am so thankful for the encouragement, love, support and prayers you have given and are giving to me for I am absolutely certain I could not have made it to this point without you. Please continue to cover me in prayer as I don’t expect this next week to be without trials. You are all in my prayers daily and I can’t wait to tell you I have finished the race in victory.

In The Thick of It!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Beryl Williams) — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 03:51:00 +0000

As you know, I do not like to use this blog as a personal page but in this case, since you know I am working on an assignment I believe the Lord personally gave me, I want to keep you apprised of my progress.

You know I have been writing my autobiography entitled “He Showed Me Why.” I have always tried to learn from my mistakes and know the only way I can successfully complete this task is to completely submerse it in the Holy Spirit, asking my “Daddy” on a daily basis for the strength to accomplish it.

I begin my days spending time in the Word, then in singing praise and worship songs and finally approaching the throne with all my concerns about beginning to write, asking for His anointing on every memory and every word. Since the first day until now, even though I am reliving every painful, ugly, traumatic event in my entire life, I have not smoked one cigarette or had one drink and I have lost 14 pounds! This is despite the fact that many writing sessions have ended in gut wrenching tears yet it is since I began writing that I have attained healthiness on all levels like I have never had before. I am even walking 1.3 miles a day; well, if I’m going to be literal, 1.3 miles a night, usually sometime around midnight. For you worriers out there, my neighborhood becomes amazingly quiet around 10pm and most of the time I don’t see a single car during my entire walk. The nighttime temperatures run between 60 and 70 degrees, the stars are twinkling overhead and I either talk to the Lord or don’t think about anything at all which either way is peaceful and soothing to my heart. There is a small playground about 2/3 of the way through my walk and most nights, I stop and swing on one of the swings for 5 or 10 minutes and get to feel like a little girl again. All in all, these nighttime constitutionals are the highlight of my days and I wouldn’t trade anything for them.

So here I am, on the eve of July 12, 2008 and I am pleased to report that I have written 191 pages with 7 chapters remaining. I believe I can finish this task by the end of this month but when I say I am writing a book, I do not mean it in any kind of traditionally glamorous way. I know I have already said this but it bears repeating. This is the most bloody, grueling, agonizing and intense thing I have done in many years, maybe ever and I beg you to cover me in prayer asking the Father to protect my heart from the brutal reliving of my life that I am being forced to do. Request that He anoint every word and memory so that it works towards my continued healing and hopefully, in the end, will minister to others as well.

I have a few people that are supporting me on several different levels (you know who you are) and I just want to take a moment to say “Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I have no doubt whatsoever that I could not do this without you. My daily prayer for you is that the Lord blesses you for your faithful love and support of me during this difficult journey.” To the rest of my dear friends, I want to thank you for sticking by me as continuing changes occur in my life and for encouraging me in this most challenging God-given endeavor.

The Need to Keep it Straight........

noreply@blogger.com (Beryl Williams) — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 20:17:00 +0000

During my devotions today, a few verses really hit home for me especially as I write my story. The title of my book is, “He Showed Me Why” and the reason for that is because of all the years I spent angry at God because of all the painful things I had gone through. Even though my head knows He never causes anything bad to happen to me and He only wants what is best for me, typically my first response during times of testing is to blame Him for it, to ask Him, “Why?!” Because of writing my testimony and reliving painful things I have gone through, I was strongly impacted by the words I read in Malachi 3:17 New King James Bible. "You have wearied the Lord with your words; Yet you say, ‘In what way have we wearied Him?’ In that you say….Where is the God of justice?” and then chapter 4:13-15 which says, “Your words have been harsh against Me, Says the Lord, Yet you say, ‘What have we spoken against You?’ You have said ‘It is useless to serve God; what profit is it that we have kept His ordinance…….For those who do wickedness are raised up.’”

How often my emotions have mirrored those words. I live in Satan’s world which is set up to glorify and give success to the wicked while it beats down and mocks the righteous. Yet I still blame my “Daddy” when bad things happen in my life. When I read that I “weary the Lord” and even worse, “speak harshly against the Lord” when I allow myself to feel that way, it really grieved my heart and makes me want to have a heightened awareness to blame the right person when I am tested and hurting. I need to keep straight who is my enemy and who is always on my side and not let the devil succeed in making me think the unrighteous are the ones who have it made in this life.

Reading and meditating on verse 16 and 17 of the same 4th chapter in Malachi can help keep the right focus and attitude. It says, “So a book of remembrance was written before Him for those who fear the Lord and who meditate on His name. ‘They shall be Mine,’ says the Lord of hosts, ‘On the day that I make them My jewels. And I will spare them as a man spares his own son who serves him.’ Then you shall again discern between the righteous and the wicked, between one who serves God and one who does not serve Him.” I need to keep my eyes on Him and also, the reward He will bestow on His faithful servants instead of desiring the success and empty happiness given to those on the side of this world and its ruler. If I can do that, all of this darkness, pain, disappointment, confusion and injustice that I feel at times, will all be erased and made right.

This promise given to me as well as to you should be our strength. Hebrews 6:10,11,19 says, “For God is not unjust to forget your work and labor of love which you have shown toward His name….And we desire that each one of you show the same diligence to the full assurance of hope until the end…..This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast.” During the storms, let us never lose our anchor and may we walk in victory with Him.

It Will Be Accomplished.....

noreply@blogger.com (Beryl Williams) — Sun, 01 Jun 2008 23:24:00 +0000

“As the rain and snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.” Isaiah 55:10, 11 NIV

During my devotional time on Tuesday, the Lord gave me this scripture and while it is one that is very well known in the Christian community, I am amazed at how easily I can forget it or fail to really grasp the enormity of its meaning. There are times throughout the years that I have heard the Lord speak something into my life that has meaning far beyond the day that I heard it and yet I am amazed at my inability to retain those promises the moment that things start to go wrong. Well, a few mornings ago, He reminded me that He has been telling me for years, He wants to use the things that I have been though and that He has done in my life during those dark times as a means to give hope to others that are hurting and afraid. It was many years ago that I received that message for the first time and there have been many periods of despair since then that caused me to forget and yet I now find myself seeing that “word” from the Lord coming true in a very unique way.

As I already mentioned previously in an email to most of you, I have begun to write my autobiography and the Lord has blessed me to write two chapters in five days. I know that I cannot do this endeavor without His help because it entails reliving many painful memories before getting to the “happy ending”. But He is faithful and has provided all that I have needed to do this project so far, which I believe, is a part of His word spoken years ago over me and is now, starting to return back to Him with results. I just felt that He wanted me to remind you that He also has a plan for your life and if you search Him, He will reveal it to you. You can be confident that His will for you, while possibly encompassing things that will stretch you to new lengths, will also have much joy, goodness and peace in store. And His will for your life cannot be diverted by the enemy, no matter how sure you are that the Lord has forgotten you. The next time it rains, be reminded of Isaiah 55. Our “Daddy” only wants the very best for us and in the end, His desires will be accomplished and His purposes will be achieved.

Dumb as an Ox!

noreply@blogger.com (Beryl Williams) — Sun, 11 May 2008 21:30:00 +0000

Since my last entry much has transpired that has had me feeling down and discouraged. I am sorry for not writing for so long. I continue to be amazed at how difficult it is to be consistent in writing. I am just going to continue to try, know that I’ll eventually get there with His help.

I really struggled to find a scripture that touched me in that, “this is what I want you to write about” kind of way. But finally, Daddy showed me this one that really touched my heart during this season of my life. I was reading The Message in the Psalms and this is what I wanted to share.

Psalms 73: 21-24: “When I was beleaguered and bitter, totally consumed by envy, I was totally ignorant, a dumb ox in your very presence. I’m still in your presence, but you’ve taken my hand. You wisely and tenderly lead me, and then you bless me.” The word beleaguer is defined as harassed or besieged, which are two emotions that I have felt over the last month and a half but I have also struggled with a kind of enviousness too.

When life is so difficult, especially when it seems impossible to keep my walk with my Daddy where I want it, it is hard not to look at others and feel envy or disappointment. In my head I know that I probably don’t have a good beat on what their life is really like but on the outside they certainly seem to have it all together. Yet for me, there are times when everything good is a struggle for me and I wonder if that is going to be the theme of my life. I get tired of feeling like such a disappointment to my Father, you know? This may sound weird, but part of my fleshly child’s heart wants to be His “favorite”….does that make sense to you or am I just strange?
I want Him to be proud of me, of my life and of my devotion to Him.

But when it comes down to it, often times I feel just like an “ignorant, dumb ox” instead and while standing in His presence! I have always had a deep awareness of His eyes being on me and the fact that He does not miss anything that I do or don’t do. And yet as the scriptures say, “You’ve taken my hand. You wisely and tenderly lead me, and then you bless me.” You know, that picture of the ox seems perfect because its complete lack of intelligence is so apparent! I see the need to hit it over the head with a stick to get its attention, you know? (I am not supporting animal abuse here.) And boy, sometimes I think that’s the only thing that will get my attention and get me back on track…..but He never resorts to that. He always leads me away from the path I am on by His overwhelming love and tenderness.

And then how does the verse conclude? “and then you will bless me.” Wow! Not only does He not berate me or smack me around, so to speak, but he is tender in His instruction and guidance and when all is said and done, then He blesses me as well. Not something that I would think to do for an ignorant, dumb ox! So let us join in praising Him today for all the ways that He continues to be our ultimate, loving and forgiving Daddy!

I Am Five Years Old Today!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Beryl Williams) — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 01:38:00 +0000

There is no way that I could not write on this very special day! Today is my spiritual birthday….my fifth year in the Lord. And while to some, it may seem that this entry is about me….it is not. This entry is about my wonderful, awesome and loving DADDY! He alone can receive the credit for the miracle of my knowing Him in absolute truth. You see, I really did love Him all my life…I fell in love with Him when I was six…but loving Him wasn’t enough….He is the author of truth and as the scriptures say…those who love Him, must love Him in spirit and truth. How can I tell Him how very thankful that I am for what He has done in me…in my life and in my relationship with Him? What came to my mind was to praise Him for the miracle of me! There are so very many reasons that I should not have the heart to love Him like I do…….and believe me, it is not because I am some wonderful person…it is because He has kept me in the palm of His hand thru the darkest hours, days, months and yes, even years. He NEVER, NEVER, NEVER left me, forgot me or quit believing in me! How amazing is that? VERY amazing! And so here I am, 5 years after coming to know Him like I never had before…and He has been so very faithful….I have had some of the most wonderful, deep and miraculous experiences in my life over these past 5 years. You know, I can assure you….if….when….you search for Him…He will always let Himself be found! That you can count on!

So as you read this…..don’t think about me……but about my most loving and patient Daddy and the miracle of Him that He began in me 5 years ago today.

OUR SAVIOR LIVES!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Beryl Williams) — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 22:57:00 +0000

“Mary Magdalene found the disciples and told them, ‘I have seen the Lord!’”
John 20:18
It bears remembering that not only is the death of our Lord crucial for our salvation but His resurrection as well. He conquered death and the grave so that we might never have to live in fear of either. As this Easter day comes to a close, let us rejoice in the amazing gift that our Lord and King has given us and let us keep remembering throughout the days, weeks and months to come.
HE HAS RISEN! HE HAS RISEN INDEED!!!

The Ultimate Gift......

noreply@blogger.com (Beryl Williams) — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 17:22:00 +0000

“When Jesus had tasted it, he said, ‘It is finished!’ Then he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.” John 19:30

What more can be added to those words….to their meaning…..

As you go about this day….remember…..all that He did…

all that He endured……the agony that He suffered at the hands of
an insane crowd……God in the flesh allowing Himself to be murdered by puny man….He did it all for you….He did it all for me.

He died for us………How can we not live for Him?

Hosanna on the Highest!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Beryl Williams) — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 20:44:00 +0000

As I sit here, writing again for the first time in over 2 ½ months, I am overwhelmed by the abundant love and mercy of my heavenly Father, my Daddy. Though I have been struggling with depression over the last several months and have not maintained my walk in all the ways that I believe in…..I forced myself to go to church this morning and received nothing but blessings in the form of His love and grace. I didn’t even think about this being Palm Sunday but I am blessed to be in a church that loves to rejoice in our Lord!
My pastor is preaching verse by verse in Romans, which is my favorite book of the Bible because of the very strong message of grace that it holds. I am always so hard on myself when I am not doing all the things that not only do I believe I should do but desire to do…and yet, even when I am not measuring up to my standards of spirituality, which obviously fall very far short of His standards…..He does nothing but love on me! I am so humbled by His unconditional love for me…by Him taking me in His arms and holding me against His chest when I am so unlovable and muddy from my sinful nature. He sees me as perfect! Pure! White as snow! How inconceivable is that? I just can’t wrap my mind or heart around that!

You know sometimes when I go to write after intense prayer….I don’t always have a beat on which way He wants me to go. Yet today, I opened my Bible and there it was after turning just a couple of pages. And on top of it, it directly correlates with the sermon that I just took in this morning. He is just so very cool!
So, I will share with you….His heart for me, for you, for all of us…and this is His heart when we are so lacking in ourselves and so undeserving…

I am reading from the NIV version in Micah 7:19: “You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea.” And beside that I had written a notation to look up Colossians 1:13, 14 which says, “For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.”

I think that the main thing that He has reminded me of today, which He wants me to share, is the message above. He wants us to remember that there is nothing that can change His overabundant love for us, His bountiful grace that He pours over us constantly and no circumstance that could ever make us unable to approach our Daddy and crawl up in His lap and receive the comfort and warmth that we need.

So how appropriate that He give me these much needed reminders on a day such as today. Palm Sunday, the day to lay my clothes to cover the ground before Him and rejoice in the very Person of Jesus Christ and praise Him for the sacrifice that He has made for me, the sacrifice that makes this broken little girl, whole.

Hosanna! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord! Hosanna in the highest!

A Father's Extravagant Love.....

noreply@blogger.com (Beryl Williams) — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 03:59:00 +0000

I must be getting old because there were a couple of other things that the Lord laid on my heart over the last month and for the life of me, I cannot access them and He is not bringing them to mind. So I just prayed and began reading in the Word, asking Him what He wants me to share. After reading in several different books, I found myself in Ephesians, began to read chapter 5 and ZAP! The first two verses were it! I was reading in The Message and this is what it says:

“Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn’t love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that.”

Now is that a wonderful verse or what?! I was so touched by the description of how he loves us. I mean, isn’t it so true? “Mostly what God does is love you.” Well, the only word in that sentence I might change, which would be ok since it is a paraphrase BibleJ, is the “Mostly”. As I think about it, there is nothing that the Lord has done in my 42 years of living that has not been a reflection of His love for me. Like any truly loving parent, He has ALLOWED bad things to happen in my life because of lessons that I needed to learn. And because of this depraved world and the enemy himself, I have had some very bad, very hurtful things done to me. Yet, in His amazing love, He uses His power to turn even the worst events into things that have benefited me and actually made me a better person than if they had never happened. Now THAT is amazing love.

Then if you read further in the verse it says that Christ’s love for us is extravagant! I looked up that word and it was defined as, “excessive or unduly lavish” and unduly means “unsuitable”. There is no doubt that without His amazing grace it would be very unsuitable for this awesome God to love someone like me and even more, in an extravagant way! Then it concludes by saying “He didn’t love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us.” (Italics mine) In a world that is so “me” oriented and selfish, it is hard to wrap my mind around the concept of someone giving of themselves with no hope of getting anything in return, even the pleasure of giving. But then you add to that concept, Almighty God of the entire Universe, One that has an unending amount to give and HE gives EVERYTHING of Himself to us!!!! WOW! How very humbling and thought provoking for this very undeserving woman to dwell on.

Being the economical God that He is, I am amazed by the fact that in a verse that so completely and beautifully conveys His amazing love for us, we also find advice on how to live our lives as well or maybe I should say… how to live our lives well. And interestingly enough, there are not a lot of instructions…..just, “Watch what God does”, “keep company with him and learn a life of love.” and “Love like that.” I can’t think of a much larger challenge than trying to love like God but it is one worth accepting, especially in a world that has grown so cold and devoid of warmth and human emotion. The next time that you are having a bad day or feeling blue, try reaching out to a stranger with a sincere, kind word and just see if the sun doesn’t seem just a little bit brighter and your step a little bit lighter.

To Accept or Reject...........My Choice

noreply@blogger.com (Beryl Williams) — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 00:43:00 +0000

While this Christmas season was a blessed time for me, I have to admit that I am glad to be getting back into life’s regular routine again. I have missed sharing with you and my Father has laid several things on my heart over the last few weeks that I will share with you, one at a time.

Today I wanted to share what He laid on my heart over a month ago.

I was pondering the scripture in Matthew 23:37 where Jesus spoke to the city, Jerusalem and said, “How often I’ve ached to embrace your children, the way a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you wouldn’t let me.” as written in The Message. We all know that when He spoke of Jerusalem’s children, He was referring to His people Israel. I have heard quite a few sermons that make reference to this scripture but always in the literal context of Jesus speaking to Israel. Yet, as I reflected on this verse as one of His modern day children, He “spoke” to me and said, “You do the same thing to Me. When you are hurting and afraid due to situations or circumstances, in your fear you do not always turn to Me and allow Me to comfort you and reassure you that I am here and I will take care of things if you let Me.” Then I thought about another reference that the Bible makes about Him weeping over Jerusalem because of her rejection of Him and His love and I wondered just how many times He has wept over me and my rejection of His love for me.

Coming from a background of abuse makes it very hard for me to believe, much more, accept His love for me. And that is without the whisperings from Satan in my ear that He doesn’t care about me or my trials. But I think that even someone not coming from abuse would find it hard to embrace His love all the time, especially in the dark valleys of fear or condemnation from the enemy.

So I just felt that He wanted me to say that He is always here for you and for me. That He NEVER wants us to try and cope or handle things all by ourselves. There is not a single tiny little aspect of our lives that are not important to Him. He cares about ALL of it. Anything important to us is important to Him. So I hope and pray that the next time that you are hit with something out of left field and you begin to feel afraid or confused, that you will remember what He reminded me of………He is waiting to gather you in His arms and give you the exact thing you need at that moment for that situation. Remember…..He loves you no matter what!!

noreply@blogger.com (Beryl Williams) — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 20:45:00 +0000

Merry Christmas in 2007!!!
At this time of year it is customary for some to send out a Christmas letter updating you on their lives.
While I am not against such a thing, I have chosen to do something different. I decided to focus on YOU this year. After all, it is YOU that makes my life special; it is YOU that gives color and dimension to my world. YOU are the reason that I am thankful for the life that I have! The angel Clarence in the movie, “It’s a Wonderful Life” said, “No man is a failure that has friends.” I agree with that, which means YOU have made me a success! So as you go about your life during this most wondrous and sacred time of year, keep in mind that YOU ARE SPECIAL…YOU ARE LOVED and YOU ARE APPRECIATED!
Have a very, very Merry Christmas!!!!

All He Has Done and Continues to Do.......

noreply@blogger.com (Beryl Williams) — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 06:23:00 +0000

There is truly not another book on this planet that is as good a read as God’s Word! What I want to share is much longer than the typical one or two verses that I normally focus on. When I began reading it and then trying to think of what verses to leave out and what not to….absolutely nothing worked. Sometimes you can do that with the Bible and not lose anything, but with this passage, it is all so intertwined and crucial to each other that it had to be all or none. And my heart felt that He wanted it to be all.

Out of “The Message” Romans 8:18 – 31& 38, 39 (underlining and bold is mine for emphasis): “That’s why I don’t think there’s any comparison between the present hard times and the coming good times. The created world itself can hardly wait for what’s coming next. Everything in creation is being more or less held back. God reins it in until both creation and all the creatures are ready and can be released at the same moment into the glorious times ahead. Meanwhile, the joyful anticipation deepens. All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it’s not only around us; it’s within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We are also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don’t see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy. Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good. God knew what he was doing from the very beginning. He decided from the outset to shape the lives of those who love him along the same lines as the life of his Son. The Son stands first in the line of humanity he restored. We see the original and intended shape of our lives there in him. After God made that decision of what his children should be like, he followed it up by calling people by name. After he called them by name, he set them on a solid basis with himself. And then, after getting them established, he stayed with them to the end, gloriously completing what he had begun. So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn’t hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn’t gladly and freely do for us?
I’m absolutely convinced that nothing-nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable-absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.”

These verses are so complete that it is hard for this imperfect human to add much to it aside from my underlining and bold print. Just a few things that ministered to me: I think if I did keep better focus on the coming good times instead of the present hard times, the waiting would not seem like such a burden. And the comparing of my waiting to a pregnancy……that is pure gold and worth really embracing in my heart!
I also love the reassurance that when I don’t have the words to express my heart, when my pain is so overwhelming that all I can do is groan, turn to Him and bury my head in His chest….He KNOWS precisely what I want to say, He KNOWS exactly how I feel. How comforting to my soul! And, after having all that He has done for me so clearly drawn out in the latter verses, how could I EVER truly doubt what I mean to Him? I know that in my case, I forget. I forget the beautiful absolute truths that these verses state. So, I need to keep reminders around me…. I need to be in His Word that reveals His love and devotion in so many different ways…and I need to keep fellowship with others that will remind me in my times of forgetfulness.

In conclusion, how beautiful a picture straight from the heart of our Father…the embrace that Jesus holds us in…..and His embrace is warmer, safer, stronger and more loving than the best embrace we have ever experienced in our lives. THAT is our Lord and our God!

May We Give Thanks......

noreply@blogger.com (Beryl Williams) — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 20:58:00 +0000

During this season of reflection and gratitude…I want you to know that you are on my list of blessings that I thank my Father for. Thank you for being in my life and making it better by being a part of it.
In His Love,
Beryl

Please pray for me.........

noreply@blogger.com (Beryl Williams) — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 20:05:00 +0000

Well, this entry is of a more personal nature. I need to ask that you hold me up in prayer because I am a week into doing something that the Lord laid on my heart over a year ago. As you know, much has transpired in that time but there are to be no more delays!

A week ago, I began to gather research to write my autobiography. The Lord gave me the name of the book back then: “He Showed Me Why”. I know what the cover is going to look like. I have the dedication, the forward and the prolog. I have the outline and the first chapter written.

What I am doing now, is going through all of my journals, calendars and day planners and writing down all the notes or entries. I have made it to 2002 in the last week. Once I have done all of that up to present, then I am taking all of my pictures (and there are a lot!) and compiling them to match the timeline. Once that is all put together, I will then sit down and pull out the pictures and data from the time period for the chapter I am writing and will lay it all out before the Lord and ask Him to bring people, events and/or emotions to mind and give me the words that HE wants written. I can tell you that it has been a brutal week so far. I am blessed to have someone that is taking care of my very basic financial needs and that is enabling me to focus on this and nothing else until it is finished.

This project is costing me much though and I really need prayer to continue to the end.
There is a whole lot more “ugly” in my past than “pretty” or “good”. The Lord has shown me ways that He is going to use my story to help others on a variety of levels but it is taking its pound of flesh and heart in the process. I have made out a schedule that has me working on the book 4 hours a day and focusing on the blog on a regular basis as well. So I ask that you hold me up in prayer whenever the Lord lays me on your heart. If you could pray that He would help me to keep things in perspective and not beat up on myself for my past and that I would have the strength to stick with this no matter how hard it is. I also have scheduled Sunday to be a real, true day off, a day for rejuvenation and I need to be able to stick by that since the week is so hard for me emotionally. This is easier said than done since taking an entire day off every week seems to be a bad fit for this world and the way that most people function these days.

I don’t want to sound overly negative….I am aware of the God-given focus I have as well as the provision He has made for me to be able to write this and I am excited about the end result and what the Lord will do. But it is very much like surgery. The process is messy, painful, costly and slow going; however, I know that the result will mean much healing and growth for my heart, leading to a bright and exciting future as well as prayerfully giving hope to others.

Thank you for continuing to love and support me with your thoughts and prayers.

May our Father….our Daddy keep you safe and warm in the love of His embrace.

And yet another chapter begins.....

noreply@blogger.com (Beryl Williams) — Fri, 09 Nov 2007 08:40:00 +0000

My heart is so full…on so many levels…that it is hard to know where to start. It has been too long since I have written but the Lord has continued to be faithful and work in my life regardless.

But I guess for now, I will focus on explaining the newest change that I have made to this blog. When I first began this blog I didn’t have the full picture of what the Lord had in mind, (imagine that!) and so I set it up more as a blog my spiritual journey than the ministry that He has laid on my heart. That being the case, I wanted to write a tribute, if you will, to my dearest Neil.

I had a very dear and trusted friend point out to me that maybe the Lord would like tribute paid more appropriately because of the focused direction that the blog now has. After all, it is about His power, His love and His affection for us, His children, in other words, the blog is all about Him! As soon as she said the words, I knew the truth of them and therefore am compelled to make a change. But I didn’t want that change to be misinterpreted.

I HAVE been very blessed to have Neil in my life with all of his tender, caring ways and he has brought many great changes to my life and he will always have a special place in my heart. That being said, as I read the tribute that I wrote to him, my heart was convicted because the words written are perfectly descriptive of what my heavenly “Daddy” has been to me for my whole life, not just 8 years. He has been sensitive to my feelings and needs even when I haven’t known what they were! He knows me more completely than it is possible for another human to ever know me. He alone has improved the quality of my life and has used wonderful people like Neil as His vessels to do so.

I have used the term soul mate a whole lot in my lifetime and I have continued to be more and more educated as to what that really means. But as I read the words, I realize that there is no deeper, more perfect or more real soul mate than my heavenly Father! I wrote that I believe that most never meet their soul mate and settle for less. WOW! That is truer from this perspective. After all, even if we find our true mate for life on this earth, aren’t we settling for less if we let that person replace the true “soul mating” with our Lord?! And finally, I wrote, “Thank you my king for being in my life and blessing me with your love and heart.” Well, could there be anyone more worthy of those words than my Lord, my God, my Daddy and my King?!

So I needed to share with you some of the reasoning that leads me to change the tribute from Neil to a tribute to my heavenly Daddy. I also want to state that Neil has said that he would never want to take away from what the Lord has done in my life or share a place in the spotlight with Him. So he understands why I make the change and agrees with it.

So this change brings with it yet another chapter in this, as my pastor calls it, the great adventure of the Christian walk. It is no tiptoe thru the tulips but the richness and depth of it is irreplaceable. Thank you for continuing on this walk with me, I treasure you more than you can possibly know.

A letter to you...

noreply@blogger.com (Beryl Williams) — Sat, 15 Sep 2007 01:58:00 +0000

Dear Ones,

I normally will not use this blog to write about personal events but something happened last week that once again drives home the point that we do not know how fleeting and fragile our existence here is.

I received a phone message from Neil on the 6th telling me that his oldest son Matthew, along with Lauren, his wife were in a very serious car accident the day before and that both of their backs were broken. The prognosis for Lauren was good and she was going to have surgery within 24 hours but the prognosis for Matthew was not good and he was not even stable enough to go thru surgery. Neil was in South Africa on a two week missions trip when he received the news. I cannot begin to describe all the feelings that I experienced as I listened to his message. Within two hours time and after many phone calls, there were 6 churches in 4 different states praying for Matthew, Lauren, Neil and the rest of the family. There was prayer for their survival and that there would be no paralysis. There was prayer for the salvation of Matthew, Lauren and Lauren’s family. There was prayer that Neil would be able to get home safely and quickly despite the fact that all of his return flights would have to be on standby. There was prayer that Neil would be held up and strengthened by those around him and that he would have a peace that could only come from the Lord.

Well, you know, God is even more faithful than we can fathom at times. It turns out that the accident was caused by Matthew having a seizure (even though he has no history of seizures). Lauren’s quick thinking caused her to unbuckle her seat belt, grab the wheel and reach down with her hand to hit the brakes. I do not have all the numbers exact but basically this is what I know. They apparently flew over a 20 to 30 foot embankment which caused them to hit the ground so hard that even though they did not hit anything or roll the vehicle, the SUV was demolished, both their backs were broken and they had to use the jaws of life to get them out. Miraculously, the vehicle stopped 20 feet shy of a 200 to 300 foot drop that obviously would have killed them had they gone over. Without writing all that I obviously could to cover the last week and a day, these are the high points. Lauren’s surgery was a complete success, she is expected to have a 100% recovery and was released from the hospital day before yesterday! Matthew’s surgery was a complete success, is expected to have a 100% recovery and went home today! The doctor had to operate on Matthew’s spine thru his stomach and his back because of old injuries from another severe accident 10 years ago.
When he went in, he said that the damage was much more severe than the x-rays or MRI showed and that there is no medical reason whatsoever that Matthew is not paralyzed! When he removed a 3 centimeter piece of bone from Matthew’s spine, the nerve machine that he was hooked up to went crazy with all the nerve activity that started! Apparently with an injury like that, the nerves that are damaged require time to begin working again and yet the doctor said that they “changed right before his eyes” once the bone was removed. It is the consensus that he was eye witness to a miracle from the very hand of God! It is also noteworthy that Neil caught every standby flight on the way home which is nothing short of a miracle because of how overbooked flights are right now.

After driving 18 hours with just a 2 hour nap, I got to Southern California about 5 hours after Neil got home. There is no doubt that God was watching over this accident….answering prayers that had not even been prayed yet.
Matthew does not always wear his seatbelt…but he had it on. Lauren’s quick thinking stopped them short of a drop off that would have killed them both. Neither one of them is paralyzed and will have a 100% recovery. And they are both out of the hospital and walking 1 week and 2 days after the accident!!! How wondrous and marvelous is our God! It has been faith strengthening to me to see that even before we knew to pray and ask, He was answering prayers. That to me is amazing. To see His fingerprints all over what could have been so much more of a tragedy is just awe inspiring to me. The nurses talked about what a miracle it is that both of them had their backs broken and neither one of them is paralyzed. Actually, the “m” word has been spoken a lot over the last week.

I want to thank all of you that have been holding us up in prayer over the last 8 days. Thank you for your faithfulness and loyalty as a family in standing by us in the most powerful of ways. If anyone reading this is in a place today where it may be hard to believe that our Father is listening or cares about you and your life, let this be an encouragement to you. Not only is He passionate about His love for us, faithful in caring for us, loyal in never leaving us but He is answering prayers before they are even uttered. He loves all of us as His children and is mighty, powerful and able to save and He does!

In closing, there are emotional side affects from a traumatic event like this that have to be addressed. I ask for your prayers that I will be a vessel of the Lord during this time of great upheaval and adjustment. Please pray for traveling mercies as I return home at the end of the month. I also ask that you continue to pray for the salvation of these dear ones, that this heart wrenching event will be turned around for the good of all those involved, and that all may come to know Him as the tender, loving Daddy that He is.

In His Mercy and Grace,
Your servant, Beryl

ps: I am not sure how writing is going to work out since I do not have constant access to a computer but if nothing else, I will resume a regular schedule around the 3rd or 4th of October. Thank you for your continued understanding and support.

Tired and dirty but still swinging.....

noreply@blogger.com (Beryl Williams) — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 19:36:00 +0000

I am going through some hard trials right now. And to be honest, these trials are causing me to feel a lot of pain and fear. As I sit here to write, begging my “Daddy” to give me His words, I feel so inadequate. And He knows that I don’t want to write just for the sake of writing but it also has been 5 days since my last entry and I promised Him that I would not be distracted from writing these entries anymore. So I want to be faithful to His leading and yet wonder how I could possibly be used by Him when I feel so empty. This is not a “feel sorry for Beryl” entry, I just wanted to be transparent with you and let you know that this broken vessel wanting to be used by the Lord…..often times does not have it all together. I am out here struggling and trying to lead a spiritually victorious life just like you are and sometimes that is really tough to do.

It is important to me that you know that you are in my heart and in my prayers daily and I am strengthened in the knowledge that I am not on the battlefield alone. Thank you for the encouragement that you are to me and for all the ways that Daddy uses you to build me up. Never doubt your value, first, in His eyes and secondly, in mine and the spiritual family that we are. For me, scriptures that offer words of hope are really needed right now and it is my prayer that they encourage you too.

From The Message, John 16:21-23: “When a woman gives birth, she has a hard time, there’s no getting around it. But when the baby is born, there is joy in the birth. This new life in the world wipes out memory of the pain. The sadness you have right now is similar to that pain, but the coming joy is also similar. When I see you again, you’ll be full of joy, and it will be a joy no one can rob from you. You’ll no longer be so full of questions.”

The NIV (New International Version), Psalm 55:16 -18: “But I call to God, and the LORD saves me. Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice. He ransoms me unharmed from the battle waged against me, even though many oppose me.”

The NIV, Psalm 140:7: “O Sovereign LORD, my strong deliverer, who shields my head in the day of battle – “

The Message, Psalm 143:7 and 144:1, 2: “Hurry with your answer, GOD! I’m nearly at the end of my rope. Don’t turn away; don’t ignore me! That would be certain death.” “Blessed be GOD, my mountain, who trains me to fight fair and well. He’s the bedrock on which I stand, the castle in which I live, my rescuing knight, the high crag where I run for dear life, while he lays my enemies low.”

The Message, Psalm 145: 18, 19: “GOD’s there, listening for all who pray, for all who pray and mean it. He does what’s best for those who fear him – hears them call out, and saves them.”

So the bottom line is that despite all the lies that the enemy tries to whisper in my ear, despite all the fears and pain of this little girls heart, He is not surprised by the events that have transpired and He will not only provide for my needs and bring comfort to my heart but if I rely on Him, I will be filled with His joy as well. That is what my prayer is for you when you are feeling worn out on the battlefield of life….let Him be your “rescuing knight” and your shield….you will surely be victorious if you do!

Filling The Holes in My Trust.....

noreply@blogger.com (Beryl Williams) — Sun, 02 Sep 2007 03:16:00 +0000

Psalms in an amazing book full of human emotions. David was so in love with God and yet so human! I find that so encouraging as one that is so utterly human herself. So let me bounce around a little and share some insight into David’s heart. All of these quotes are from “The Message”.

Psalm 119:25: “I’m feeling terrible-I couldn’t feel worse! Get me on my feet again. You promised, remember?” I can almost see a little boy crossing his arms over his chest and stomping his feet.
Of course, I have ever done that before!

Psalm 119:81, 82: “I’m homesick-longing for your salvation; I’m waiting for your word of hope. My eyes grow heavy watching for some sign of your promise; how long must I wait for your comfort?”

Psalm 119:107: “Everything’s falling apart on me, God; put me together again with your Word.”

Psalm 119:153, 154: “Take a good look at my trouble, and help me……..Take my side and get me out of this; give me back my life, just as you promised.”

Psalm 119:170: “Give my request your personal attention, rescue me on the terms of your promise.”

Along with the obvious pain and desperation that David expresses in all of these verses, I found it interesting that in four of the five verses, David claims his Father’s promises. It is so clear to me that despite the fears, pain, hopelessness and even doubt that David struggled with, bottom line was that he believed in his Father’s promises to him.

As I have stated many times, coming from abuse has made trust or in other words, faith, much more of a problem for me than for the average Christian struggling with lack of faith. I was actually taught that my Daddy could not be trusted, that to trust him was a horrible, painful mistake. I was taught that lesson over and over again for quite a few years. And it only makes sense that if my earthly Father that I could see, could not be trusted, then I certainly could not trust my heavenly Father that I could not see! Right? Not so, but that is the connection that was made in my little girl’s heart when I was being abused. In my opinion, the most demonic thing about my abuse was the fear and mistrust of my heavenly Daddy’s love for me that it instilled in my very core. So I am not going to focus on telling you that you need to trust God when you are hurting or fearful.

I do want to share my belief that it is my absolute certainty that the Bible IS the inspired Word of my heavenly Father to me that has played a big part in my being the person I am today despite all the horrible and painful things that I have gone through. So when I cannot believe in His real love for me, in His taking care of me, I can read scripture and know that despite my feelings at the time, they reveal the truth about His reliability and trustworthiness. Let me give you an example of what I am talking about.

In Psalm 124:6 it reads, “Oh, blessed be God! He didn’t go off and leave us. He didn’t abandon us defenseless, helpless as a rabbit in a pack of snarling dogs.” But it sure feels like that is exactly what He did when I was abused! At least to my little girl’s heart! However, if the Bible is my anchor then I can rest assured that He was there and I was protected by Him in ways that I just couldn’t see or understand at the time or maybe even now. That is the difference in allowing my feelings to determine what truth is instead of letting His word determine it. There are two scriptures sited below. Ask Him to use His word to start rebuilding the foundation of belief in His love for you, his beautiful little girl.

Psalm 118:13, 14: “I was right on the cliff-edge, ready to fall, when God grabbed and held me. God’s my strength, he’s also my song, and now he’s my salvation.

Psalm 116:1, 2, 5 & 6: “I love God because he listened to me, listened as I begged for mercy. God is gracious-it is he who makes things right, our most compassionate God. God takes the side of the helpless, when I was at the end of my rope, he saved me.”

His Delight........

noreply@blogger.com (Beryl Williams) — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 04:17:00 +0000

I have to confess that I sit here afraid that I am being stupid writing these things. I don’t want to talk just for the sake of hearing myself speak, you know what I mean? I sit here begging my Father to anoint these words so that they are a blessing to you.

I sat down to read in the Bible, turned to the book of Isaiah and when I got to these verses, I actually cried as pictures came to me when I read the words. I want to share those pictures with you.

I really enjoy The Message, partially because the writing is so direct and also because it is so visual. What I believe He led me to is Isaiah 62:2-4 and while I realize that He is speaking specifically to Israel, we are also His children because of the precious blood of Christ and I believe that this is His heart for US too.

“You’ll get a brand new name straight from the mouth of God. You’ll be a stunning crown in the palm of God’s hand, a jeweled gold cup held high in the hand of your God. No more will anyone call you Rejected, and your country will no more be called Ruined. You’ll be called Hephzibah (My Delight), and your land Beulah (Married), because God delights in you….”

To think that He loves me so much that He will personally name me….

To read that I could be a stunning crown, a jeweled gold cup held high in His hand……I see this amazing, awesome, regal King taking me by the hand and bringing me into His royal throne room to present me as one that He is proud of, that He adores so much, to all who would see.

“Delight” is such a wonderful word! The picture it gives me is a father lifting his little girl up and spinning her around with such overflowing and enthusiastic love for her and she is laughing with abandon, throwing her arms up in the air, feeling no fear because she knows how much he loves her and she knows that she is safe in his hands.

The words “rejected” and “ruined” struck a cord deep in my heart as I read them because they have been my close companions during a large portion of my life and still attempt to return from time to time. But their power is lessened when I read verses such as these that so vividly paint a picture of how He REALLY feels about me. Taking just a few minutes out of the day to be in the Word can change my whole outlook on the world and yes, even Him. For me…. tonight….these verses are like standing under a waterfall of His love....it exhilarates and enlivens my heart after being bowed down all day and it refreshes me after hearing the scorching heat of the enemy’s whispers in my ear. I pray that it is that for you as well and that you can know with assurance, His delight in you and love for you today.

Lessons Learned......

noreply@blogger.com (Beryl Williams) — Sun, 26 Aug 2007 18:16:00 +0000

So much has gone on in my life since my last entry over 2 ½ months ago, but I am not going to take up your time reviewing it. What I will share is some highlights of what I have learned.

(1) When Daddy gives me an assignment, I need to make sure that I don’t allow anything, and I mean, ANYTHING, to get in the way. Here is the trap: There are a lot of good, honorable things out there that can take me away from where He really wants me and once He makes His will clear to me, there is nothing as empty, exhausting or frustrating as getting away from that will.
(2) It is crucial to I keep myself surrounded by other strong women of faith that can cover me and this ministry in prayer when I cannot do it for myself. It can be so hard to ask for help but that has aided me in a more powerful way than anything else to start getting back into His will.
(3) Finally, that despite all the miraculous and wondrous ways that He has provided for me in the past, it is so easy for me to give in to fear and discouragement in the face of adversity. But here is the most amazing thing…..that instead of getting irritated with me and chewing me out for doubting, He used another ministry to send me a reminder by way of email and here was the very short but powerful message:

“The Spirit of God whispers this reminder to you: ‘I
have heard your prayer, I have seen your tears; behold,
I will heal you.’ Jeremiah 30:17”

That came on a day when I was really struggling and very afraid and I was so humbled by His huge love and understanding of my humanness. And that is my real Daddy, not the harsh, demanding, abusive man that I grew up with. It is so easy to mix the two up in my heart and that is what the enemy wants. I am also amazed at how programmed I am to completely withhold grace from myself, to beat myself up if I am not doing everything exactly the way that I should…and when I am feeling like such a failure, feeling so very lost……He whispers words of love and tenderness into my heart.

I pray that those words minister to your heart…for they are for you too. He promises me and promises you that He hears us, sees us and WILL bring healing to us. Let those truths be your anchor today.

It's Not About Us.......

noreply@blogger.com (Beryl Williams) — Tue, 12 Jun 2007 04:44:00 +0000

I had the opportunity to be in the Word tonight and I was reading in "The Message" and I never cease to be amazed by the forthrightness of this translation. There were many verses that struck me but in particular, Romans 5:6-8 really touched my heart. I am not going to write it all but please feel free to read it yourself, it will only make it more meaningful for you.

Speaking of Jesus....."He presented himself for this sacrificial death when we were far too weak and rebellious to do anything to get ourselves ready. And even if we hadn't been so weak, we wouldn't have known what to do anyway. ......But God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him." And along the same lines, verse 2 says, "We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us."

I don't know about you but with regularity I still feel like I am "no use whatever to him". And yet, if I allow His Word to be my anchor instead of my feelings, this scripture offers much comfort. The truth is that I don't have to be "of use" to Him to have His love. As a matter of fact, I think this scripture makes it very clear that the gift of His love has nothing whatsoever to do with ME. It is all about Him. All I have to do is open the door! As I have said before, faith, ie:trust does not come easy for us...but that is not required to open the door. Think about it literally, do you have to believe that someone is on the other side of the door that wants to come in for you to open it? NO. All you have to want is some fresh air......but once you open it, then it is a lot easier for someone to walk thru it, isn't it? He understands our frightened little girls heart and so all He asks is that we open the door. He will do the rest. He promises to.

By the way.......He also understands our not flinging it open as far as it will go. Just a crack will do! :-)

The Suffering Won't Last Forever.....

noreply@blogger.com (Beryl Williams) — Mon, 04 Jun 2007 02:39:00 +0000

As I sit here, I am overwhelmed by the emotions whirling around in my heart. Over the last 6+ months, other than constant financial problems, things have been going pretty well in my life. NOW, a new season has come and with it.....stress, fear and pain in a variety of different areas in my life. So as I began to pray and open the Word to see what "Daddy" might want me to share, I opened to 1 Peter 5:10,11 in The Message:

"So keep a firm grip on the faith. The suffering won't last forever. It won't be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ-eternal and glorious plans they are!-will have you put together and on your feet for good. He gets the last word; yes, he does."

Now, quite a few entries back, I highlighted this verse but not with the same heart as today. This scripture has tears in my eyes and a heaviness in my heart because I want it to be true.....RIGHT NOW!!!!! It seems like there has been so much more pain in my life than "glorious plans", you know? Of course you do! We are His hurt little girls....we know what pain is. But, my dearest sisters-kindred spirits in pain....take comfort with me in these verses. The wording itself shows that He knew when He inspired the Bible to be written that we would feel like the suffering WAS going to last forever! He knew that we would not be "in one piece and on our feet"! I find comfort in that truth.

We are told in the beginning of verse 10 to, "Keep a firm grip on the faith." This is not easy for us because faith is just another word for trust and we were taught VERY WELL by our abuse NOT to trust and even more specifically, NOT to trust our father. I know that we can take refuge in the fact that our Daddy knows our hearts and understands why our faith/trust suffers. "The suffering won't last forever." So I can tell you what I am going to do as I go into this new week with a very heavy heart. I am going to take it one step at a time, one day at a time and when things seem like just too much.....one hour at a time. And I am going to let His word be my anchor when my trust is weak, if I do that.... THEN I can have confidence that there IS more and that the "more" is "eternal and glorious".
I pray that as you struggle with the various tests and trials that, no doubt, this new week will bring, that you also let these verses anchor you through the storm and to the other side where He kneels with open arms to draw us in to His unfathonable love.